First, Do No Harm
by Chopin Gal
Summary: Lexy helps Sam rebuild her life. Season Two, Episode 6 Finale and beyond.
1. Chapter 1

**First, Do No Harm**

They lay side-by-side, Lexy spooned against Sam's bare back. She smiled lazily as she realized how well they fit. Both were about the same height. In bed, her long legs easily followed Sam's lower limbs. Were it not for her reluctance to awaken her sleeping partner, she would have let her toes sweep gently up and down Sam's calves and ankles. She wanted so badly to immerse herself once again in the feel and touch of the person sleeping beside her.

The risk she took by showing up on Sam's doorstep, unannounced, led to an unexpected night of catharsis and consummation. She would have been content to just listen as Sam began to process and verbalize her deepest fears and realizations. It almost hurt her physically to hear the pain in Sam's voice, to witness the brokenness of someone whom she had long admired for her strength and unflappability.

In many ways, Sam was a mirror image of her own resolute character. They both knew what it was like to be under fire, to make quick decisions in the line of duty. _Steady as it goes._ Yes, Lexy could relate to that. Both women were used to being in charge, in control. And both countered the pressures of being a cop and an A&E doctor with humor - Lexy's much more caustic and dark, Sam's often dry and unexpected.

There had not been much to laugh about these past couple months. Cat's sudden death had sent a shock wave through their social network. No one was left reeling more than Sam. Lexy did not know Cat well enough to be as affected, but even before this tragedy, she always felt drawn to Cat's partner, Sam. When the news came out about Cat's clandestine affair with her former lover, Lexy was torn between sympathy for Sam and anger at the woman whose infidelity had wounded the police detective so badly.

Unfortunately, Sam's need for control and feelings of betrayal led to her erecting walls of silence between herself and Lexy. Their growing friendship had come to an abrupt halt. Lexy, ever the loyal friend, respected Sam's need to work out her issues alone. Lately, however, she had a nagging feeling in her gut that Sam was not handling things all that well. Call it intuition or sixth sense. All she could do was verbalize her support yesterday morning when Sam so rudely dismissed her. And, then later, hearing the desperation in Sam's voice when she left that voice mail ….

Who would have thought that, in only a day's time, Sam's defenses would start to crumble?

When she knocked on Sam's door, she did not know quite what to expect. Frankly, she did not care any more. She had been torturing herself far too long over her own need to help and had now made up her mind to stay the course. Bloody hell! She could be just as stubborn as her distressed friend. She would not let herself be dismissed any longer. It was like offering triage in hospital. Sam was in pain. Someone had to stop the bleeding, to offer enough stability so that the woman could start to recover from the trauma of her betrayal.

Just gaining access to her apartment was a small victory. Sam, although shaky and somewhat surprised at the visit, wore her stoic mask well. Lexy, to counteract the awkwardness, asked for a drink and busied herself at the kitchen sink. She furtively scanned the apartment, noticing the empty liquor bottles and clothes strewn about. _Yes, this was a woman who was fighting her demons._ She would continue to give Sam space but she would not leave her alone. Sam was in a free fall and Lexy hoped, desperately, that she would finally accept the lifeline now being offered.

Sam sat on the sofa, watching the calm actions of her friend, which began to still her own troubled emotions. Soon, she found herself saying out loud what she had worked so hard to contain - truths about her own inadequacies, her foolish pride and denial. The more she spoke, the more Lexy listened, now sitting beside her nodding in concern and compassion. The shame of revealing herself was balanced by Lexy's non-judgmental attitude. Yes, she advised that Sam move on, beyond the hurt, but she also seemed to feel Sam's pain and self-doubt – to understand the depths to which she had sunk.

"I can't trust myself anymore. I can't trust anyone."

"You can trust me." The words were a fervent whisper.

Lexy was kneeling in front of Sam, gripping her knees, looking at her with such intensity, such … yearning? Their eyes locked. Words were no longer needed.

Sam reached out tentatively, the gentleness of her touch and soft kiss kindling the flame of Lexy's desire. Bolder now, impassioned by what she saw in Lexy's eyes, Sam pressed her lips more firmly.

For Lexy, it was a moment she had long wished for. _Sam wanted her._ This was not an act done in confusion or anger. What she saw in Sam's eyes propelled her to return the passion.

They became lost in each other's arms, a new and wondrous choreography of exploration and discovery. Sam, as wounded as she was, seemed to welcome the physical touch … reaching out to Lexy, tenderly stroking and holding her.

Lexy, in turn, found herself taken to new heights while she focused on bringing Sam to release. They made love through most of the night.

As the soft glow of the morning light started to color the quiet bedroom, Lexy lay in the bed that Cat had shared with Sam. Oddly enough, she did not feel like a stranger. She felt at peace. Sam had fallen into a deep slumber, probably the first good night's rest she'd had in many days. Lexy knew that it was she who provided the soothing panacea.

She allowed herself to think beyond their first night together. Sam was not ready to love again. But, with Lexy's help, she would be ready to heal. As a doctor, Lexy knew how to promote healing.

The road ahead would not be easy. There would be danger and the need for honest, genuine communication. In some ways, Lexy would have to become as vulnerable as Sam. Yet, in their first night together, they had already stripped aside much of the distance that separated them. Their bodies spoke the truth.

Sam stirred and Lexy wrapped her arm around the woman's waist, pressing a gentle kiss to her lover's shoulder.

Waiting for Sam to fully awaken, she whispered softly to herself: "I've got your back."

Then she closed her eyes and contentedly traced Sam's legs with her toes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Morning After Chapter 2**

"You came." The quiet words were spoken in disbelief as Sam turned and gazed at the woman in her bed.

Lexy, somewhat startled by the tentative look on Sam's face, resorted to her rapid-fire humor. "In more ways than one." She reached out to stroke Sam's face but Sam shook her head and quickly sat up.

"Sam? What's wrong?"

The other woman now distanced herself even farther - swinging her bare legs to the floor and sitting with her head down in her hands.

Lexy lay there, contemplating her next move, knowing that whatever words were spoken this morning could either lead to a meaningful relationship or push Sam even further away. She wanted to wrap her in a warm hug, soothe her, but not at the expense of clichés or platitudes which cheapened what they had just experienced the night before. She knew that Sam had truly let down her defenses as they made passionate love to each other. She assumed that now, in the morning's light, Sam was beginning to withdraw once again to avoid the pain of that reality, that very personal encounter. She decided to let the silence speak for itself and waited for her lover's cue.

Sam could not believe the turmoil roiling through her. She still felt the amazement and wonder of Lexy opening herself to her so freely. _So giving._ Lexy brought her to a shuddering climax that washed over her as refreshing and invigorating as rain in a desert. She rarely lost control when she made love, usually the dominant partner. But, last night, she allowed Lexy to take command and lead her to a refuge of sensual delight. Lexy was a skillful and caring lover. Sam had actually felt safe in her arms. But now, here she was, expecting what? _What had they begun?_

Again, the shame of just how badly she had messed up her life began to gnaw at her conscience, squelching the afterglow of their lovemaking. Lexy deserved more than this one night of unplanned passion. She deserved so much more. _God, Murray, get a grip!_ Her restless thoughts turned to Cat, remembering the first night she had awakened to her lover taking command of her body. And, falling completely under Cat's spell, she whispered, "I think I love you." What a mistake that had been! What a fool she had played! Bitter tears welled in her eyes. Was she just as foolish to have let Lexy in last night?

Sam's breathing turned more erratic and she knew that a panic attack was imminent. She rose quickly and dashed to the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

Lexy realized that it was time for another intervention. Silence and patience be damned! She refused to let Sam wallow in her misery any longer. Moving to the door, she knocked once and then entered the room.

Sam was sitting on the floor, knees up, tears streaming down her face as she tried to breathe deeply into her shaking hands. Beads of sweat mingled with her tears.

Lexy grabbed the nearest towel, slid down beside her friend and wiped her forehead and damp hair, all the while reminding Sam to "Continue to breathe deeply into your hands" just as she had done that prior time outside the pub. Of course, at that time they had their clothes on!

Sam could not believe that, once more, she had collapsed in front of Lexy. Her cheeks burned as she tried to push herself up from the floor but her legs were so wobbly that she could not manage the effort. Her breathing, at least, was becoming more regular and the feeling of panic had lessened. Unfortunately, embarrassment had taken its place.

She raised her head to see a glass of water being provided and welcomed the opportunity to relieve her dry throat. Meanwhile, Lexy had disappeared into the bedroom and returned with the bed quilt, covering Sam. She wrapped a large bath towel around herself as she sat across from Sam on the cool tiles. After several minutes' silence, Lexy spoke.

"We have to stop meeting like this."

This time, Lexy's often outrageous humor worked. Sam tried to hide the grin that crossed her face as her companion waggled her eyebrows back at her. The next moment found both women laughing at the absurdity of their situation.

The tension had been broken. Here they sat on Sam's bathroom floor, naked as newborns and weak from stress and laughter.

Sam attempted an awkward apology. "Lexy, I can't begin to tell you …" but Lexy sprang up from the floor, gripping the top of her towel, exclaiming, "Steam!"

At Sam's confused look, she threw back the shower curtain to turn on the shower. Soon, hot water sent back warm mist and Lexy reached for Sam's hands, pulling her up and gently pushing her toward the stall.

"Just what the doctor ordered - the hot steam will relax your lungs and the hot water will relax your muscles."

Sam, still a bit shaky, let herself be maneuvered into the tiny shower. She found herself liking the caring directions and the tender hands which were now turning her towards the cascading water.

"Let the water beat on your chest. It will loosen the bronchial tubes even more. That's it. Breathe deeply, inhale the steam."

Lexy knew she was intervening medically but, at the same time, she couldn't help but admire the lithe figure in front of her. Sam's running regimen had produced a well toned, lean body. She was a beautiful woman.

As she raised her head and peered at Lexy through the falling water, Sam found herself meeting her smile and, suddenly, all the pain and anxiety that threatened to overwhelm her seemed to evaporate with the steam enveloping both their bodies. She knew this was probably a temporary reprieve but, at the same time, Lexy had known just how to draw her out of that dark, isolated spot and bring her into the light. The lively doctor's warm and fun-loving personality was like a tonic to her soul. She knew that she could not go on without more of this kind of 'medicine'.

The heat in the bathroom had risen to spa temperature. Even standing outside the shower, Lexy was just as affected. Both women's bodies were now flushed and Lexy's hair damp with moisture from the steam.

She peered into the shower once more to make sure her 'patient' was not wilting and caught Sam soaping her breasts. The foam glistened over the wet orbs and ran down her legs. Sam looked up and met the doctor's admiring eyes.

"I thought since I was already in the shower, I might as well finish the routine. In for a penny, in for a pound."

Once again, physical feelings and passion erupted quite unexpectedly. Lexy, not breaking her eye contact, reached out for Sam's loofah. She dropped her towel, stepped into the shower, and began soaping Sam's broad back and legs. Sam sighed and braced her hands against the tiled wall.

Both women were lost in their own thoughts: Sam, welcoming the physical touch which validated her worth and Lexy, thrilled to know that Sam still wanted her in her life.

Lexy softly kissed Sam's neck and shoulders. Sam turned, retrieved the loofah and began soaping her partner. The passion had now receded to a manageable level. This act of caring was meant to be a sign of trust, of sharing their most intimate moments together. For now, they were two women comforting each other, reaching out, allowing the give-and-take of what could possibly lead to a committed relationship.

They both seemed to know that this was enough.


	3. Chapter 3

**Black Coffee Chapter 3**

The smell of coffee wafted through the bedroom as Lexy finished dressing and applying her makeup.

She could still feel Sam's firm hands lathering her body. The shared shower felt so good. They both seemed to welcome the tactile comfort and, thankfully, were not afraid to share such palpable pleasure beyond the lovemaking.

Being physically naked was not the hurdle that needed to be crossed. Their one night together had already assured Lexy that they would be compatible lovers.

No, baring themselves emotionally would be the harder task.

Sam's panic attack had reminded Lexy that there were underlying issues here that demanded attention. She, herself, was still reeling over lies in the workplace and her own betrayal of trust with Bea. Even more importantly, she had unfinished business awaiting her at the flat. Lexy was not proud of what she had told Tess in the middle of the night. Tess deserved more than a white lie. Too many lies had already been told, too many lives damaged. The Sam she found last night was not the strong, capable woman she had first befriended.

They did not return to bed after the interlude in the bathroom.

Instead, Sam had casually slipped into her jeans and shirt while asking, somewhat awkwardly, "Will you stay a bit? Coffee?" When she looked up, her wary eyes searched Lexy's conveying a silent plea. _Don't leave._

Lexy walked into the kitchen and watched as Sam, with her back to her, reached for two coffee mugs. The long lines of her body and the vulnerability of her bare feet brought an affectionate sigh. _God, here I go again, rescuing another wounded bird._

She cleared her throat, loud enough to catch Sam's attention. "Hey."

Sam turned, coffee pot in hand, and smiled faintly. "I suppose I should offer more than coffee, but the refrigerator is a bit empty."

"No problem. I can do with fewer calories this morning since I'm not running." Lexy looked down at her red dress and shrugged.

Sam gazed at her intently for a few seconds and then nodded. She finished pouring the coffee and brought their cups to the table as Lexy sat down. Suddenly, a fleeting image of Cat sitting in that same chair caused her to wince.

"Sam?"

"I'm sorry. It's just an old memory. Nothing important."

Lexy reached for Sam's hand and squeezed it gently as Sam took her seat. "Nothing you have to say will scare me away."

Sam found herself lost in Lexy's eyes once again. They held such compassion, understanding. _You can trust me._

"Aside from my parents, I've not had anyone to the flat since Cat …" Sam paused and drew in a deep breath. "Since Cat died. She sat there the last morning. It was her birthday and I'd prepared a surprise breakfast. She seemed so pleased, so happy …" Sam tried to choke away the tears but it was useless.

Lexy reached over and brushed the falling tears with her thumbs. Seeing that Sam did not shirk away, she rose and stood behind Sam, hugging her quaking shoulders.

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Sam, I can't even imagine how you managed here those first few days. It had to be a nightmare."

"It was. At least, then, I still believed that we were in love, that Cat loved me. The real nightmare began when I found out …" Sam couldn't go on. She stood to leave the room but Lexy quickly blocked her way, wrapping her in her arms.

"You asked me to stay."

Sam stopped struggling and let herself be held. When the tears came to an end, she found herself kissing Lexy once again, the heat returning from the night before.

Lexy soon met Sam's kisses with a new intensity of her own. All her good intentions of making a graceful intervention had fled.

"We really have to talk - but I can't seem to think of the right words just now." Lexy's breath was hot on Sam's neck as both women stumbled back to the bedroom. Once again, buttons were torn free, zippers unzipped, and the lovers lost in each other's need. They passed the rest of the morning enjoying the splendor of this connection.

* * *

"What are you doing?"

"Reheating the coffee. Shall we get back to our earlier routine?" Sam smiled broadly at the sight of a disheveled Lexy leaning against the refrigerator.

"We have to sort some things out. I'm afraid the red dress has now been crumpled one too many times to appear in public. I will have to sneak like a dodger just to get back to my flat."

"Do you want your coffee to go or possibly served in bed?"

Lexy rejoiced at the mischievous grin spreading across Sam's face. They could not get enough of each other. The lovemaking had again chipped away at the chinks in Sam's armor. There were glimpses of the old Sam, the spark in her eyes returning even if just for minutes at a time. _And no further panic attacks these past several hours._

A decision was made. Lexy turned and wandered back to the bedroom whilst looking over her shoulder and giving her answer.

"Make mine black."


	4. Chapter 4

**Truth and Consequences Chapter 4**

Lexy took the shortest route home. She had stopped to pick up the _Daily Times_, but a quick glance at the theatrical page showed that there was no review yet posted about the opening night of _Uncle Vanya_. Since it was a Saturday afternoon, the critics were probably deciding to write the show up for the Sunday Entertainment page as that was the main weekend distribution.

Tess had delivered a solid performance in the first act and Lexy was hoping that the entire evening went well. _Vanya_ was such a melancholy and challenging drama but Tess had exhibited a luminous presence from the moment she took stage. Lexy was sure that the reviews would be favorable.

As she left Sam's flat, she mentioned that she had been at the theatre the night before to see Tess's debut. Sam seemed a bit unsettled at the news but Lexy reassured her that she would resolve her abrupt departure with Tess and put things right. She did not mention the middle-of-the-night phone call, knowing full well that Sam had enough to worry about with her own issues.

In fact, when they had finally dressed and made an effort to get on with their day, Sam told Lexy that she was heading back to hospital to check on Ryder and then on to the police station to review the results of yesterday's drug bust. Since Ryder and she were in charge of the sting, one of them would have to write a final report and handle the debriefing on Monday. Sam's guilt over Ryder's assault still haunted the troubled detective and, as Lexy kissed her goodbye, she tried to cheer her up.

"You have to get past this, ride it out. Ryder will be back to himself in no time. From what you've told me, he's sustained a concussion and broken arm. No lasting damage."

Sam was caught off guard by the frank words, but then nodded reluctantly. However, within seconds, she started to revert to blaming herself. Lexy placed her fingers on Sam's lips and gently pushed her back.

"No regrets. You've got to sort out, mend, and get on. God knows I've got my own mending to do." She cupped Sam's face in her hands and observed, "We're a pair you know. I can't wait to tell you about my stalker."

That revelation got Sam's full attention but Lexy opened the door and waved off the curious look. "Not now. I'm off duty at hospital until Monday morning. Do you want my company tonight? You may need to put the cop business to the side by then. I am brill at diversionary tactics. And, I've been told I have a very soothing bedside manner." Before Sam could reply, Lexy winked and was gone, her parting words echoing in the hall. "Ring me."

Sam leaned on the door, thinking about this unexpected turn of events, this appealing woman who seemed to know just how to bring her back to reality. _Maybe, just maybe, there was a light at the end of the tunnel after all._

* * *

Lexy let herself into the flat, ready to see Tess and attempt to make things right. She followed the sound of music into the common area where Tess was lying on the sofa. The radio was playing a down-on-your-luck country-western tune which made Lexy grin. Tess's laptop was perched precariously on her stomach but she seemed to be fast asleep. Her tousled hair and innocent face made her look younger, almost childlike.

Lexy tip-toed to the sleeping woman, carefully removed the laptop, and left to change her clothes. She hoped that what she had to say later would not destroy their burgeoning friendship.

* * *

Sam peered into the hospital room, encouraged to see Ryder sitting in the armchair near his bed. She knocked and let herself in, not quite sure of the welcome she would receive. Ryder had every right to feel gutted by her non-performance at the scene of the raid. It had nearly cost him his life! All of a sudden, Lexy's words interrupted her thoughts. _Sort, mend, and get on._

She breathed deeply and attempted a harmless but sincere greeting. "Ace to see you're up and about. I hope you had a good night."

Ryder stared at her, his demeanor cool and distant. Finally, he gestured to a nearby chair, motioning her to sit down. Sam drew the chair closer, turned it around and straddled the seat.

"Do you want a new partner?" The words leapt out of her mouth before she could even think about their repercussion.

The injured cop blinked back at her, surprised at what he just heard. Slowly, his stony expression softened, ending in a slight smile.

"I'll give you this, Murray. You've still got moxie."

Sam tried to acknowledge the compliment and return his smile but she just couldn't do it. Instead, she whispered, "I nearly got you killed."

"I told you to forget about it. Yes, I'm frustrated but I'm starting to see that what I've been telling you these past couple weeks is finally sinking into that stubborn head of yours."

This honest response finally evoked a shaky smile from Sam. She never admired her partner more. It seemed that he and Lexy had the gift of calling her out and making her face some hard truths. _Her pride had taken a beating but they were both standing tall with her, refusing to let her wallow in guilt and self pity. It was time to face the consequences, make amends, and move on. _

"Just let me say it one more time. I am so sorry."

"Apology accepted." He realized that she needed to hear this.

"Now, where do we go from here? Have the team been in to see you?"

"Not only the bloody team, but Inspector Mackenzie as well." He turned with some difficulty and pointed to the flowers and cards on the windowsill. "I think the Inspector was determining whether he would have to advise early retirement and subsidize my pension. As to the floral display, it was a bit much. I'd rather they brought a stiff pint of lager."

Sam laughed. Ryder was already on the mend.

"When are you being released? I will be glad to spot for several pints of lager at our favorite pub."

"If all goes well, doctor thinks he will let me go tomorrow and I'll have the rest of the day to regain my wits and return to office on Monday."

Frowning, Sam replied, "Are you quite certain that Mackenzie will let you back so quickly? I would think you will get at least one or two weeks' medical leave on this. Doesn't seem smart to rush things with the broken arm and concussion."

"Funny, that seems to be where the doctor is going but I want to get the Beehive operation wrapped up, tie up the loose ends as soon as possible. We've nicked all the main players except McFeddin himself. Bastard knows how to use his fists and legs. At least he's now wanted for assault and battery on a police officer, in addition to the drug-distribution charges. I'm hoping that he puts up some resistance when I corner him again."

Sam's thoughts turned to the unresolved situation. _McFeddin is mine. Ryder has taken enough punishment. I owe him and the team this collar._

She kept a poker face as she reassured her partner. "You've taken quite a beating. Follow the doctor's orders. I am planning to go over to the station from here, check in with the initial paperwork, and prepare for the debriefing on Monday. I know you've had your doubts but I am thinking clearly now. I can do this."

Ryder looked at her with pain-glazed eyes. He still had at least a week of recovery ahead of him. Sam knew that she wanted the entire two weeks' convalescence to follow him when he left hospital. It would free her up to pursue McFeddin.

She met his eyes with a steady determination. "I want to do this." After a brief pause, she quietly added, "Let me do this."

Ryder sensed the urgency of her request, her unspoken need for redemption. He could not fault her for trying to set things right. He knew she still had a rough road ahead, but she seemed ready to accept the truth about herself and her need for help. If he stopped being so stubborn himself and agreed to the doctor's recommendation of two weeks' medical leave, he would give her time to regroup, complete the initial Beehive report, and send the team out looking for their escaped felon. Her ego had been badly bruised. She needed to regain his trust. _What did two weeks' downtime really matter?_

"I guess I could use a bit of nursing from Josie. She loves to fuss. You're sure you can handle the next two weeks without me?"

"I'll follow through carefully. Keep in touch with you by phone. We've worked too long and too hard to let McFeddin slip our net now."

Ryder grinned and seemed to relax. He could see glimpses of Sam's former resolve and strength shining through. There seemed to be something different about her, something more positive …

"What?"

"You seem more sure of yourself today. More like the partner I depend on. What's happened?"

Sam shifted in the chair, lowered her head for a moment as if gathering her thoughts.

"When the paramedics came and transported you to hospital, I was beside myself. Running down that corridor, watching you unconscious, I felt so helpless. It was like watching Cat all over again. I knew I couldn't lose you and I knew that I had mucked up rather badly."

Her voice wavered. "You were right. I should have gone home during the raid."

The next words were almost painful to say but Sam knew that she wanted to come straight with Ryder.

"I've been having panic attacks the past few weeks but didn't want to return to the department shrink. Thought I could handle it on my own. So, I turned a deaf ear – not just to you but to other mates too."

Ryder reached over with his good arm and gripped her knee. "Sam." His voice held compassion and respect, not the pity she feared. It gave her the courage to continue.

"There is a woman, a doctor, who refuses to give up on me. She is making me see that I am not in this alone. She and you are my support system right now." Her voice broke as she trained her gaze on the floral display.

"I was a damn fool not to see this sooner."

Ryder allowed her the dignity of the moment before expressing his concern. "Will the panic attacks affect your performance the next two weeks?"

"Can you trust me enough to know that I will be very aware of any immediate problems and withdraw from the operation if needed?"

She paused again, and then named her fear.

"I don't want to be labeled by the department as an anxiety disorder."

"Sam, this isn't going to go away by itself."

"I know that. I'm going to talk to Lexy, the doctor. See if she can recommend someone outside the department to counsel me. The panic attacks started with losing Cat. I think I can maintain a level of control now with the police work. Will you give me a chance?"

"Funny, what you said about rushing me to the ER and not wanting to lose me … I don't want to lose you as a partner either." Ryder squeezed her knee and released her.

"Go over to the station. Get us through the next two weeks. Partner."

Sam left the hospital with a much lighter heart and a new conviction that she was up to the task. She found herself wanting to share this feeling of confidence with Lexy.

* * *

Across town, Lexy was busy dressing in her sweats to get in a short run before Tess awakened. Reclaiming her running partner was part of the agenda she had planned for helping Sam. She was hoping to persuade the very fit detective of this needed regimen when the opportunity arose. _Ideally, after a workout in bed whilst still luxuriating in each other's arms. Oh yes, Sam was a very responsive lover …_

Her erotic thoughts were interrupted by the mobile phone vibrating on the night table. She beamed when she saw the caller's ID.

"Sam! How's it going?"

"I'm on my way to the station. Had a really good chat with Ryder. He may be released tomorrow and given two weeks' medical leave. He's leaving me in charge of our narc team. I'll tell you all about it later." Slight pause. "Are you up to coming over tonight?"

Lexy pumped her fist in the air and tried to contain her excitement.

"I'd love to. Do you want me to bring takeout? Chinese okay? Unless you plan on serving me the moldy cheese I spotted in your 'fridge. I don't have an infection so would really like to pass on its antibiotic properties."

Sam snickered and gave the green light for Chinese. She would let Lexy choose the menu. "I'll ring you when I'm done at the station. Just some necessary paperwork. Shouldn't be long."

"That's great. I'm going for a quick run now. Still have to talk to Tess."

"See you soon!" Sam hung up knowing that she really wanted the next few hours to fly by.

* * *

The slanting rays of the sun were creating a golden glow in the sitting room as Tess finally awakened from her nap. The country-western station on the radio was still going strong but someone had turned down the volume. Sadie? Lexy? Her pulse raced at the thought that Lexy may have returned from her overnight emergency at the hospital. Maybe she would attend the final acts tonight. Tess's disappointment at Lexy's sudden disappearance was at least diminished by the standing ovation she had received, not to mention the confrontation with Nora. _Finally, I've really stood up to that woman! Bloody hell to whatever she does onstage. I know I am doing my best as Sonya._

She laughed to herself and felt smug. Feeling brave, she found herself saying aloud, "Tess Roberts has a new motto,'To thine own self be true.'"_  
_

Rising and stretching, she stared curiously at her closed laptop on the floor. Someone had definitely been in the flat.

* * *

Lexy made a mental note to never again disrupt her running schedule as she cooled down. The weeks of consistent exercise were beginning to show results. Her thighs and calves were firming up, she had shed a few pounds in all the right spots, and she no longer gasped for breath when running uphill. Of course, Sam, even if she didn't know it, had been her role model. Their weeks of running in tandem had provided the impetus and dedication to task. It didn't hurt to dwell on the fact that Sam looked bloody fit in lycra and was open to the teasing banter they usually exchanged. She loved making Sam laugh. _Yes, it was time for her to get her mate back into the race._

She let herself back into the flat just as Tess was coming from the bathroom, freshly showered and covered in a towel.

"Hey. I wanted to catch you before you left for the theatre."

The foyer was already wrapped in shadows and Lexy realized her mistake. She should have wakened Tess and had their conversation before going for her run. _Sod it! Would there be time to say all that needed to be said?_

Tess seemed glad to see her, but her fingers played nervously with the hem of her towel.

"Did you come in earlier? While I was napping?"

Lexy grinned. "Oh yeah, I rescued your laptop from a possible tumble. You were sleeping so soundly, I didn't want to wake you." _And now I'm regretting that._

"How did the show …" collided with "Did you sort the emergency …" as both women spoke at once.

Just as abruptly, they stopped talking and shared an awkward silence.

Lexy moved forward and touched Tess on the arm. "Listen, about last night … I have something to tell you, but this may not be the best time."

Tess looked at her uneasily and then rushed to her bedroom door. "I'm going to be late. I don't want to miss my entrance."

Then, she turned and made the request Lexy was dreading.

"Will you be able to come back tonight?"

Lexy's heart sank. She wanted to deliver the news gently. Tess was important to her. The woman had such a tender heart. _This was not going well at all._

"Tess, you were great last night. I stopped to find the critics' reviews on the way home but they had not yet been posted. I bet you get rave reviews in the Sunday _Times_. I'm so sorry that I missed the final acts."

The younger woman stood quite still, tears forming in her bright eyes.

There was no way around this. "I wasn't at the hospital on emergency … I spent the night with Sam."

"Wha …? Why?"

"She left a message on my mobile. She sounded so distraught. Frankly, I was worried over her state of mind."

"So you ran off without even telling Ed? You left him in the lurch as well?" Tess made a futile effort to swipe away the freshly falling tears. "I needed you."

Lexy tried to swallow the bitter taste in her mouth as she truthfully replied, "Sam needed me more."

Tess choked back a sob and disappeared behind her bedroom door.


	5. Chapter 5

**Triangles Chapter 5**

The paperwork took less time than Sam had anticipated. Or maybe it was just because she was thinking more clearly since her heart-to-heart talk with Ryder. Her biggest fear was that he would no longer want her, trust her, as a partner. She certainly couldn't blame him for that. Yet, to her relief, he put aside what had happened and handed the reins to her whilst he recovered. She was determined to stay on top of the operation and bring McFeddin to justice. To do that, she had to stay in control of her emotions and her panic attacks.

Lexy would help her. She had already made such a difference in her life these past two days. It wasn't just the sex, although that alone had brought her welcomed release and calmed the storm raging within.

They had been friends for such a short time but, when she was with Lexy, it was as if they had known each other long ago. They seemed to connect on some deeper level, almost as if they were old familiar mates. Sam felt like Lexy could read her mind. The persistent doctor had a way of getting into her head, nonetheless giving her space to sort things on her own.

Sam had kept things bottled up for so long that she was surprised at how the doctor's non-threatening presence found its way in. She had not even cried in front of her parents after Cat died, but she let Lexy wipe away her tears of anger and regret just this very morning. For a moment, with Lexy's arms around her, it almost seemed as if she could trust the good memories of Cat. Push the anger and hurt away and remember the tender touches, the looks of love. _Would there be room in her heart to keep those memories alive?_ She did not want to be consumed by the anger that had plagued her these past few weeks. The anger only triggered more pain and anxiety which led to the panic attacks. She had to move beyond the betrayal in order to regain her life. Let the past bury the past.

Lexy was a very real part of the present, possibly someone who would become an important part of her future too – if she let her.

Sam dialed Lexy's number on her mobile as she left the police station. The phone rang several times and then went to voicemail. _She must still be talking to Tess._

"Lexy, I'm on my way home. Will stop for a bottle of wine to go with our Chinese … hope things went well with Tess. See you soon."

Suddenly, going home to her flat didn't seem so threatening. In fact, she might even have enough time to shower, clear the moldy cheese from her 'fridge, and chill the wine. Lexy had already rinsed and stored all empty bottles in the recycle bin last night. A bit embarrassing but nothing had to be said. Her friend got the picture and quietly took control. It was good to let someone else make some of the mundane decisions like removing the temptation of hard liquor and tidying up the kitchen.

* * *

The ringing phone in her rucksack vaguely reminded Lexy that she should be on her way to the Jade Palace for Chinese takeout. However, she was too upset at the moment to retrieve the mobile. _It was probably Sam._

She knew it would not be Tess. After the distraught young woman retreated to her bedroom, Lexy ran to her room, scooped up some clothing and toiletries, and quickly departed the flat.

Seeing the hurt look on her mate's face had convinced Lexy that Sadie was right. Tess was falling for her and Lexy had not done anything to dissuade her. Thinking that Sam was totally not available, and listening to Declan prattle on about how she should go for Tess, she probably gave subtle signals to encourage the woman. _What a muck up!_

The sun had already set and city lights glittered in the river below the bridge. Lexy tried to soothe herself with some deep-breathing exercises as she watched the houseboats gently bobbing in the calm water. Such a peaceful scene and here she was trying to sort her churning emotions with the same type of techniques she had prescribed for Sam! _Physician, heal thyself._

Funny, she usually handled all emergencies in a very cool and collected manner. Anger had its place in her life and she could let it rip when the occasion demanded. But, just as quickly, her control and equilibrium would return. She knew how to roll with a punch. _So, why did this encounter with Tess go so badly?_ Maybe she cared for her more than she thought. Yes, she did … but only as a mate. The truth was she had found something she had been looking for ever since she moved to Glasgow. Living in the flat with Tess and becoming part of her social network, meeting Sam, all of these ties gave her a sense of belonging that was sadly missing in her younger years. Everyone saw her as the go-to person, the doctor in charge. Her sad little secret was that she was often lonely and looking for something more than one-night stands and casual sex. And, now, she was hoping that she had found that something more in Sam. But she did not want to lose Tess's friendship in the mix.

The mobile started to ring again. Lexy retrieved the phone and took another deep breath.

"Sam, hey. I'm just on my way to pick up our dinner. Running a bit late on this end. White wine? Fine. We'll talk when I get there. Sam? You sound right chipper. Be there soon."

Maybe some Chinese takeout, a bottle of wine, and a shoulder to lean on will be the prescription for the night. If it leads to Sam's bed, she will have gotten the best fortune.


	6. Chapter 6

**Learning Curve Chapter 6**

By the time she arrived at Sam's flat, laden with take-away bags and rucksack, Lexy was sure that she looked like a wet mop. The final distance to Sam's was mostly uphill from the Chinese restaurant and usually not a problem, but Lexy was so stressed from her encounter with Tess that she felt as if she had just run a marathon. She had tried to calm herself on the bridge but her mind refused to cooperate. Her face was flushed and beads of sweat glistened on her forehead. She had not had time to shower and change from her running clothes, leaving the tracksuit bottoms and t-shirt clinging to her damp body.

Sam opened the door, looking refreshed and quite fit in a dark tank top and tight jeans. Once again, she was barefoot and Lexy's heart skipped a beat. There was something so captivating about seeing Sam in bare feet.

"Well, one of us has managed to shower and look presentable," Lexy uttered before sagging against the doorframe and pushing the take-away bags into Sam's arms.

"I was home sooner than expected and got to freshen up." Sam relieved Lexy of her burden and carried the bags to the kitchen. She couldn't help but smile to herself at the unexpected disheveled appearance of her guest. Lexy's damp hair and clinging t-shirt certainly gave her a sexy edge. Yet, she sensed an underlying tension.

Sam turned as Lexy dropped into a nearby chair. "Are you okay?"

Lexy brushed back a wet lock of hair and exhaled. "I hope your day was better than mine."

Take-away temporarily forgotten, Sam sat down at the kitchen table and focused on Lexy. "What happened?"

Lexy tried to put a humorous spin on the situation. "I'm suffering from foot-in-mouth disease." The strain on her face, however, belied the spoken words.

Sam reached over, squeezed Lexy's hand, and continued to wait. She often found that silence in the interrogation room led to greater revelations.

"I've made a bloody mess of things with Tess. I may have lost her as a mate."

Sam knew that Lexy had left Tess's performance to come to her, but she still did not see how that could badly affect their relationship. Tess, always the cheerful, dependable one, seemed to be a forgiving sort. In fact, now that Sam had time to think about her own actions and angry words, she knew that she also wanted to apologize to Lexy's flatmate.

"You can always return to theatre to catch the entire show later this week, can't you?"

Lexy hesitated and then explained. "It isn't just the play. After we had … fallen asleep, there was a phone call in the middle of the night. My mobile. I had told Tess that I left early because there was an emergency at the hospital. She called after her performance to see if I was still there. Sam, I couldn't tell her the truth, not here in your flat, not after we …" Her voice drifted off and she shook her head as she met Sam's eyes. What she saw there was uncertainty.

"Tess has feelings for me. She obviously thought that our relationship was leading to something more than friendship. I didn't realize how much she cared until I told her the truth this afternoon about spending the night with you. She seemed crushed, took it as a betrayal of sorts."

The pain in her voice touched Sam as Lexy continued. "I never intentionally led her to believe that I wanted her as something more than a mate, but the look on her face … I had to leave, knowing that she wouldn't hear any more from me. She's gutted and I'm feeling quite the same."

Lexy bowed her head but Sam tenderly grasped and raised her chin, meeting her eyes with a new understanding. "That had to be hard. You did the right thing, though, in telling the truth."

Sam stroked her thumb along Lexy's cheek. "It's one of the things I admire most about you - your honesty. You'll be able to sort this out, I'm sure."

Their eyes locked and an unspoken depth of connection passed between them. Sam broke the silence by standing and pointing to the bags on the counter.

"You look completely knackered. Why don't I pour the wine and set the table whilst you just relax?"

"Can I use the shower?" Lexy lifted the rucksack leaning against the chair. "I made a rather hasty exit and didn't have time to change. Hope you don't mind that I've brought some things with me. I may have to keep a respectable distance from the flat tonight, let the air clear a bit and give Tess some space."

Sam's slow smile and admiring glance returned the flush to Lexy's face.

"I rather like your new look. The tousled, devil-may-care appearance adds a bit of excitement."

Lexy lifted her arm and sniffed. "I don't think my natural cologne will be as alluring."

Sam laughed, pulled Lexy from her seat, and kissed her lightly on the cheek. She patted her backside playfully and directed her to the bathroom.

"Go, wash up. Dinner awaits."

* * *

Between generous portions of the Volcano Roll and Love Boat (which caused snickers and curious remarks from Sam), the women steered away from serious conversation. Their light banter provided a wonderful relief to the day's tension. Now fully relaxed and feeling the aftereffects of too much food and wine, they settled on the sofa.

Sam could not help but deliver one more teasing remark as she stared at the inscription on Lexy's t-shirt. "Cheeky, much?"

Lexy looked down at her shirt which proclaimed, "Doctors do it with compassion." She had not even been mindful of the clean articles of clothing she threw into her rucksack, but now was secretly delighted at Sam's attention.

Sam moved closer and pulled the t-shirt away from Lexy's chest so she could further examine it. "There's a fine line between cheeky and cheesy."

A swift poke to Sam's ribs caused the startled detective to retaliate by grabbing Lexy's wrists and forcing them up and over her head. Lexy was now pushed back, leaning against the edge of the sofa as Sam mounted the cushions and straddled her.

"Assaulting an officer of the law can be considered a felony." Sam's taunting lips were dangerously near.

The cornered doctor stopped struggling. "Will an imminent arrest require handcuffs?"

Before the amused cop could answer, Lexy lifted her face and kissed Sam hard on the lips. Sam bent down, still holding on to Lexy's wrists, and returned the commanding kiss with equal fervor.

Both women were now breathing rapidly, their bodies stretching and seeking relief.

Lexy found herself thrusting upward to gain better contact as the heat continued to rise. More wrestling and jostling led to a release of Lexy's arms; she promptly wrapped them around Sam's shoulders, pressing herself tightly against the cop's lean frame.

Sam's need was just as urgent. She gazed into Lexy's fevered eyes and saw her own desire reflected there.

"I want you … now."

* * *

Their second evening had ended, once again, in Sam's bed. The sex was amazing. They were rapidly learning how to please each other. Explosions of passion gave way to more tender moments when they lay quietly, arms entwined, peacefully content.

Lexy knew all along that it would be like this. She sensed the strong undercurrents in their attraction long before she dared to believe that they would actually have a chance as a couple.

Yet, this was all so new – for both of them. Sam was far from over Cat's betrayal and her panic attacks, even if she seemed to be having a really strong rally this weekend.

Lexy had to be cautious. She was giving Sam what she needed but, aside from the fantastic sex, they each still had so much to learn about the other. Sam was a keeper. But how would she feel about Lexy's lifestyle? Her casual attachments and brief affairs? Lexy never had a reason to change, until now. Until Sam.

Sam inched closer, wrapping her arm around Lexy's waist. The room was dark; morning had not yet come.

"You're awake, aren't you? I can almost hear the wheels turning. Want to talk?"

Lexy felt as if Sam was reading her mind. They did have things to talk about. It seemed the sex kept interfering, not that she was going to complain.

Sam spoke again. "Do you want the light on?"

"No, this is fine."

Another pause, and then, "Tell me about your stalker."

_Dammit, I really didn't want to go there tonight. I'll have to tell her about my relationship with Bea._

"Lexy?" Sam began to stroke her arm, wondering about the hesitation. When the silence lengthened, Sam turned back to the night table and switched on the light.

Lexy felt as if she had just been hauled in as a prime suspect. _Oh, sod! Just tell her everything!_

"The problem has been sorted. It was not as ominous as I thought. Matter of fact, the guy confronted me at work. It was work related."

"Did he try to harm you? Did you report him to the police?" Sam was now totally awake, leaning on her elbow as she closely watched Lexy.

"He was with someone who was also seeing me."

Sam stiffened. "I thought you said you didn't have a girlfriend."

"I didn't. I don't!" Lexy sat up in bed and drew the covers around her.

"I had a casual arrangement with a fellow-worker, a woman who I believed was gay. The guy was her husband."

Now it was Sam's turn to remain speechless.

"Sam, the confrontation was a one-off. He had every right to be angry. I was clueless, thinking that the woman's partner was another woman who was in an open relationship with Bea." _There, the dreaded name was mentioned!_

"And, you were okay with that kind of open relationship? Shagging someone else's partner?"

"Bea assured me that her partner traveled a lot, was liberal minded, and had no problem with her and me."

Sam looked hurt, threw off the covers, and began dressing.

"I need to sort this out. Are you still seeing her?"

"Omigod, Sam. It's not what you think. Yes, I connected with Bea because it seemed a safe bet at the time. She and I were discreet; her phony partner was seemingly okay with the casual sex, and it was a way for me to unwind from the stress and demands of my job. Two consenting adults. I had no idea that there was a husband and child involved."

"A child?" Sam's voice had taken on a chilling tone.

Lexy rose from the bed and wrapped the sheet around her, suddenly ashamed of her nakedness. "Look, we don't know that much about each other yet. Give me the benefit of the doubt here."

Sam rubbed her forehead, glancing at Lexy and finding it hard to say what was really on her mind.

"So, you're a player."

Lexy winced. "I was. I'm not anymore."

"What's changed?" The words were clipped and angry.

"You, that's what." Lexy shook her head and tried to make Sam feel the sincerity of her words. "I care about you."

Sam turned and left the room.

Lexy slumped on the side of the bed. _First, Tess, and now Sam_. _Within one day's time, she had managed to muck up relationships with the two women she cared most about._


	7. Chapter 7

**Dear friends, I am still (mostly) away from my home computer, house and pet sitting until the end of the month. Very hard to write longhand into a notebook when two cats are landing on lap and shoulders whilst two dogs are licking my knees. Didn't want to leave you hanging, though. So here's a short but revealing chapter. See if the last part reminds you of a scene from the show. Enjoy! Thanks for your patience and supportive reviews.**

**Holding On Chapter 7**

Sam sat at the kitchen table, replaying the painful conversation that just took place in the bedroom. She felt as if she had been punched in the stomach and struggled to control her emotions. How could she have been so wrong? So gullible?

Suddenly, the air in the flat seemed stifling - the space around her, oppressive. She had to escape, not give in to the looming sense of panic which threatened to overwhelm her.

"No!" The chair fell backwards as Sam rose forcefully and rushed back into the bedroom. A startled Lexy was still sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Sam, we need to sort this out …"

"I need to go running."

Sam's firm words left no room for dialogue. She hastily changed into her tracksuit as Lexy sat in stunned silence. Soon she was down the stairs and out the door.

The troubled cop leaned against the brick wall. She was breathing rapidly now but determined to keep going. There was no time for a warm up and no time to let anxious thoughts sabotage her. She only had to concentrate on her running, block everything else out. Pushing off from the wall, she sprinted towards the river.

* * *

Back at the flat, Lexy had finished dressing and was searching in the kitchen cabinets for something to write on. She wondered how such a hopeful start to a relationship could be sliding downhill so fast. _Another botched exit, doctor. You are turning into your own worst enemy_.

There was no way on bloody earth that she was going to let Sam walk away from what they had just begun. She knew, in her heart, that these past two days had been so much more than a casual romp. Sam was becoming a vital part of her life.

_Maybe she just needs some time to cool off, think things through. I owe her that. _She paused as an ironic thought crossed her mind_. At least this has gotten her running again._

Frustrated, Lexy reviewed her options for the rest of the day. The stress and strain of the past twenty-four hours had taken its toll. She was too tired to face Tess again in the flat and not due for her shift at hospital until tomorrow morning. However, she could always take advantage of the break room. Bea was not on shift during the weekends and, if she were really lucky, Declan would also be off duty. The available cots offered a quiet space where she could recover and plan a course of action.

In the meantime, she would leave Sam a small reminder of her desire to patch things up. It was a gamble - outrageous and cheeky. But Sam seemed to like her cheeky side. Lexy smiled faintly as she continued her search for pen and paper.

* * *

Sam had managed to use the negative effects of anxiety to her advantage. She ran hard, concentrating on the burn in her chest and legs, feeding the adrenaline into a physical outlet and not letting it short-circuit and disable her. By the time she had returned to her flat, she was back on even keel. She had not collapsed and had allowed her breathing to return to normal as she jogged back the final mile, ending with her usual cool-down exercises. She did not think of Lexy or the upsetting revelations whilst she was running. Now, she felt as if she could face her once again and really try to understand all that happened.

She actually had to give credit to the woman. If it weren't for Lexy already advising methods to handle the panic attacks, she probably would not have had such a good outcome this morning. Lexy had suggested that, besides breath control and positive self-talk as an attack neared, the use of physical exercise, like a hard run, was also beneficial in many cases. The trick was to shut down all disturbing thoughts and totally immerse oneself in the running. Somehow, the brain changed direction and re-routed the panic. Lexy, once again, seemed to provide just what she needed. _I have to tell her it worked! _

She mounted the steps to her flat, knowing that the anger and negative feelings were now gone. Lexy was right. This (whatever _this_ was) was all happening so quickly. They really didn't know much about each other. But, if she were honest with herself, Lexy had never deliberately deceived her, not like Cat. She had always seemed to treat her with respect, to tell her the truth – even when Sam didn't want to hear it. And the way she touched her in their most intimate moments ... sharing her bed the past two nights had brought comfort, not regret.

"_Your instincts are good." _

Because casual sex and multiple partners were not her thing, she was shaken to hear of the affair with Bea. For some reason, she didn't think of Lexy as a player. Yet, hadn't she done the very same thing last week? Actually, her one-night stand was probably worse. Shamefully, Sam thought of how she seduced that young woman and then coolly dismissed her. Lexy's arrangement with Bea was much more consensual and committed.

Sam lingered outside her flat's door, thinking through the ramifications of what Lexy tried to tell her. Lexy believed that she was engaged in an adult, open relationship. No strings attached. Her co-worker had deceived her. Lexy was a victim of betrayal and deception just like Sam! This flash of insight suddenly made Sam feel a jolt of compassion for her friend. It must have been quite a blow to hear that Bea had a husband and child. Sam could certainly relate to the stinging humiliation. Maybe she and the doctor were not so different as she had thought.

Lexy listened but did not judge. She had an understanding heart. Shouldn't Sam do the same for her? So much had changed these past two days - all good, all because of Lexy.

Sam could not return to the darker days of self-destruction. She was on a new path. Lexy was walking beside her on that path. So was Ryder. She would be a fool not to place her trust in both of them.

Opening the door to her flat, the absorbed detective was eager to repair the rift she had created. There was no one in the lounge or kitchen; the flat seemed strangely empty without Lexy's presence. _O__nly two nights together, and already I miss her._

Sam quietly entered the bedroom, ready with her apology. The bed was neatly made and Lexy's rucksack was gone. A folded piece of paper caught her eye. Taking a deep breath, Sam sat on the bed and reached for the note lying on her pillow.

_I am not sleeping with anyone, except you. __The past two nights have been amazing. Don't let this misunderstanding ruin what we've just begun._

_Give me a chance, Sam. Give us a chance._

_I would never intentionally hurt you. _

_Lex _

_Please look under your pillow._

Sam lifted the pillow on her side of the bed and found a familiar t-shirt. She held it up, already knowing what she was about to read. "Doctors do it with compassion."

A lazy smile spread across her face as the amused cop shook her head and whispered, "Cheeky monkey."


	8. Chapter 8

**Mending Fences, Burning Bridges Chapter 8**

"You seem quite chuffed," Tess remarked as she opened the door to Ed who was trying to balance two coffee cups, a paper bag, and three newspapers held tightly under his arm.

"You will be, too, once you read the reviews."

_Thank God for Ed! _Tess often wondered just how she would have survived the many ups-and-downs in her life without him by her side.

The newspapers started to slide and Tess reached out to grab them as Ed stood back and grinned some more. His upbeat demeanor was contagious.

"I would think you have a part in the show!"

"Can't a mate be happy for a 'new star on the rise'? You've been cheering me on with my novel; now it's time to return the favor."

They finally settled all the items on the kitchen table and Tess opened the _Times_ somewhat apprehensively.

"Go on, it won't bite." Ed could not wait to see his friend's reactions to the encouraging words written about her performance. It had been a rough two days, what with her disappointment with Lexy and confrontation with Nora. He was thrilled, though, that her work as an actor was finally being noticed, praised.

His smile broadened as a blush colored Tess's cheeks whilst she looked at him, wide-eyed. "Are you sure they're writing about me?"

Ed took the paper from her hands and re-read the complimentary paragraph: "There is a new star shining at the Tron with Tess Roberts' debut as the heartbroken yet eternally optimistic Sonya in _Uncle Vanya_. Unrequited love never found a more tender and tragic heart. In fact, with a very able cast of veterans sharing the stage, it was Roberts' sympathetic and nuanced portrayal of Sonya which was the highlight of the evening."

He opened the folded pages of the other two newspapers to let her read similarly enthusiastic words.

Tess sat back, her cheeks still flushed, and sighed. "I am gobsmacked."

"Well, I am not. I think we should celebrate tomorrow once tonight's performance is over. Brilliant weekend!"

Almost shyly, Tess met his eyes and replied, "Bloody brilliant. It didn't take much acting to portray feelings of unrequited love, did it?" The pain reappeared in her eyes but she managed to smile.

"Has Lexy come back?" Ed wished that he could take the hurt away.

"No, she hasn't returned since … our brief encounter. I should think she's spent another night with Sam."

"Tess, she may be afraid to come back to the flat just now. How are you going to sort things out?"

"I felt so let down, so crushed when she told me she was with Sam. Hurtful. Yet, I suppose if I were honest, I may have always harbored the thought that she had feelings for her. Do you remember when we took her to the pub that very first night? We introduced her to our mates and I couldn't help but notice how she and Sam got on so well. Their faces seemed to light up when talking to each other. I think there was an instant attraction but Sam was with Cat and nothing came of it. And, silly me, I developed quite a crush these past couple months. I feel a bit adolescent."

"Tess, you have nothing to be ashamed of. I think Lexy is the one to owe you an apology. She and Sam."

Tess finished her coffee. "Maybe Sam was right. I need to grow up. Make better choices."

"You lead with your heart, not your head. It's a part of you that I love."

Ed's words touched her. She knew, intuitively, that he was right. She was a survivor and could bloody well weather this storm. She had to. Lexy was still her flat mate even if she had disappeared temporarily.

Feeling stronger, Tess walked Ed to the door. "Are you coming to tonight's performance?"

"Yes, mum and dad are driving in to see the show. Drinks afterwards?"

"That would be ace."

Leaning against the door after Ed left, Tess realized how quiet the flat had become. Not only Lexy had gone missing. _Where was Sadie these past two nights?_ Another disappointment. _Probably shagging her boss's wife the entire weekend!_

* * *

Sam showered and stopped for a muffin and latte at her favorite café hoping to see Lexy, but the elusive doctor was not there. She was disappointed but determined to set things right. She also had unfinished business with Tess so going to their flat was a necessary part of the day's agenda. She was hoping that, by now, the two chums had managed to face each other and make amends - at least find a way to share their space again without more hurt feelings. For all her bravado and cheekiness, Sam knew that Lexy was quite upset by this unfortunate turn of events. Lexy was honest to a point, but she was also just as big hearted as Tess. Both women were worth having as friends. What's more, both deserved each other as mates. Maybe Sam could run interference, help plead Lexy's cause.

Another knock at the door. _Only noon, and the flat was bloody becoming Victoria Station!_ Tess opened the door to unexpected company.

"Sam."

"Is Lexy in?"

"I thought she was with you."

"She was … earlier."

The two women stared at each other. After an awkward silence, Sam asked, "May I come in?"

Tess reluctantly opened the door wider and let Sam into the foyer.

"Look, about the other night, Lexy is gutted. Things need to be sorted. She doesn't want to lose your friendship."

"And you know this because?"

"Because she's my mate, too, and we've … talked."

"You've obviously been doing more than talking."

Sam flinched at the angry insinuation but held her ground. The only way through this muck-up was an honest sharing of facts. She could not believe what she was about to say but forged ahead.

"I've not been doing well. Botched up things at work and almost got my partner killed. I've been having panic attacks since Cat died. No one knew except Lexy. She's been helping me deal with the anxiety and we've become close, quite close. In fact, I don't think I would be standing here now, asking you to forgive me for being an arse, if it weren't for Lexy encouraging me to carry on. I know that she's becoming a very important part of my life. And I know that you are feeling hurt, disappointed in the both of us."

Tess looked at the stricken detective and could read the sincerity in her face. She always thought that Sam was so good for Cat. Steady, loyal, trustworthy. She couldn't believe the strong cop was sharing her vulnerability. And apologizing to boot! Her courage and honesty deserved a like response.

"Sam, I really didn't know about Cat and Frankie until the morning she died. And, strangely enough, I think Frankie left town because she didn't want you to find out and be hurt even more. She made me promise not to tell anyone."

Sam heard the disturbing words without giving in to the anger that fueled their last confrontation. She sadly shook her head and replied, "I was wrong to lash out at you. I know that now. I was really angry at myself - for ignoring my suspicions and letting myself be played the fool."

"Well, I probably played a bit of the fool myself," Tess sighed, "in falling so hard for Lexy. You were right, I still have some growing up to do."

This time the silence was not awkward at all. The tension had been broken and the two women seemed to reach a new understanding and respect. Before they could say anything further, a sharp knock on the front door startled them both. Sam stood aside as Tess opened the door to two strangers.

A very tall gentleman with graying hair and a ruddy complexion greeted Tess with a kind but authoritative manner.

"Ma'am, DC Campbell of City Centre Police Office. We are looking for a Miss Sadie Anderson. Are you a resident of this flat?" He presented his credentials and a photo of Sadie as Sam stepped forward.

"Ian, what are you doing here?"

"Sam, do you have a connection to this flat?" The older detective was surprised to see a colleague in the doorway.

"I am visiting Tess, Miss Roberts." Sam nodded toward her friend then stood back, once again, to give the officer a chance to complete his introduction.

"Miss Roberts, my partner, DC Gordon, and I have a warrant for the arrest of Miss Sadie Anderson on suspicion of robbery. Is she currently on the premises?"

Tess gasped but Sam did not find the news shocking. She had always surmised that Sadie was no stranger to the police. _What had she gotten herself into now?_

Tess glanced at Sadie's photograph which appeared to be a mug shot, still not quite understanding what was happening. She stammered, "Sadie lives in the flat but hasn't been home the past two nights. She's not officially on the rental contract. This was a temporary state of affairs."

The other detective, a petite redhead with vivid green eyes peering out from wire-rimmed glasses, spoke up. "We also have a warrant to search the property."

Tess met Sam's eyes as she took the official papers being handed to her. Sam nodded in agreement after looking at the documents. "Best to let them in and get this over with." Tess still appeared quite shaken and Sam added, "Do you want me to stay?" A grateful but soft-spoken "yes" followed.

Minutes later, the two detectives were going through Sadie's room and possessions whilst Tess and Sam sat in the kitchen.

"Do you want a cuppa?"

"No, I'm fine. Had you any idea that Sadie was involved in a crime?" Sam was with major crimes, narcotics squad, for the time being but she knew both the officers from the robbery division. In fact, she had shared a foot patrol years ago with the female officer, Blair Gordon. Both she and her partner, Ian Campbell, were thought of highly in the department.

As they waited, Sam glanced down at the open newspaper at her side. She read the theatrical review and turned to Tess who was occupying herself with Facebook on her laptop.

"This is spot on. Congratulations."

"Ed brought three morning papers, insisting I know of my sudden rise to fame. It's a bit overwhelming if you must know."

"Lexy was certain that the critics would love your performance." As soon as the words left her mouth, Sam realized that she had introduced another awkward moment.

Tess was about to add a caustic reply but checked herself instead. "It's all so unsettled. Is she coming back?"

"I can't speak for Lexy but I do know one thing. She values your friendship and does not want to lose it. Remember that, eh?" _Good advice for yourself, Murray._

* * *

"DS Murray, may we see you for a minute?" The petite detective motioned from the doorway.

Sam rose and followed her to Sadie's room. DC Campbell was using an evidence bag to collect what appeared to be a small amount of cocaine. Sam couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt as she watched the familiar procedure. It reminded her painfully of her recent fall from grace.

"Wanted you to witness this, as we'll now be adding 'possession of drugs' to the already growing list of alleged crimes. Robbery and Grand Theft will still be keeping the case, though."

"Just what's happened?" Sam sensed that her colleagues wanted to share more information.

"How well do you know Miss Roberts? And Miss Anderson?"

Sam realized that Tess may now have come under suspicion and quickly sought to squelch that.

"To my knowledge, there should be no good reason to suspect Tess Roberts of any involvement in Sadie Anderson's recent activities. She has been appearing at the Tron the past two nights in _Uncle Vanya_ and actually has the glowing reviews to prove that." Sam smiled as she continued. "I have never considered Tess, Miss Roberts, and Miss Anderson as close mates. It's my understanding that Miss Anderson took over this room from the previous renter who left the country quite suddenly. I don't think Miss Roberts has an established relationship with the suspect. I, myself, have met her on a couple occasions but also know little about her." _Other than she's just as mucked up as Frankie and very good at getting high and trashing expensive apartments._

DC Gordon had been jotting in her small notebook and then spoke up. "Are there any other residents of the flat?"

"Yes, a Doctor Lexy Price. You best speak to Miss Roberts for full details. Doctor Price is not here at the moment."

"So, your connection to this flat is only because of your friendship with Miss Roberts, right?"

"I am friends with both legitimate renters, Miss Roberts and Doctor Price. And I personally vouch for both of them."

"Good to know as Sadie Anderson has quite a shady history."

DC Campbell sat on the unmade bed and patted beside him. Sam took a seat as he handed her a typewritten page. It was Sadie's rap sheet - from her days in juvie detention for shoplifting, vandalism, underage drinking and loitering, on to her adult charges and prior convictions for theft and forgery.

The most recent charges, however, were being brought by an art-gallery owner and her partner in Merchant City. There was a break-in on Friday night with substantial amount of money stolen from the owner's safe and vandalism of the property. Fingerprints confirmed Sadie's identification in addition to the owner's statement that Sadie had access to the property as an employee. The partner also made additional allegations: larceny in the stealing of an expensive wristwatch from the gallery, and fraud in the suspected use of a bogus credit card in a public restaurant.

"Quite the grifter." Again, Sam was not surprised, just disheartened that shady Sadie had to have contaminated the flat for Tess and Lexy. _Frankie was long gone and her bloody connections were still causing havoc!_

She was curious about one other matter. Timing. "This is quite the quick turnaround for a warrant."

Blair Gordon pushed her glasses farther up on her nose and commented. "You're right. We've only been working this case since yesterday morning. It seems the gallery owner and her partner have friends in high places. They were so upset that they convinced Inspector Mackenzie to expedite the signed warrants."

"Well, I'll let you two to your business. I'm certain Tess will cooperate fully. She has nothing to hide. Thanks for the heads up and I'll check in with you at the station during the week."

"Good show on the sting. How is Ryder?"

"Medical leave for two weeks. We have all the major players nicked except for McFeddin. And I plan to have him in our hands soon."

"Let us know if our squad can provide assistance."

"Thanks. I best be getting on now. Good luck in apprehending your suspect. The sooner, the better, on that one."

Sam reassured Tess that there was nothing to be worried about. At this point, Sadie was considered a fugitive and would not likely be returning to the flat. She advised Tess to allow a wider search of the flat if the detectives requested it. And, of course, she reminded Tess to work closely with the officers until this all was brought to an end. Lexy would probably have to give a statement too because of their shared living quarters.

Lexy. _Where was she? Possibly hiding out at hospital?_ Sam decided to pursue that lead. After all, she was very good at getting her man … or woman.

A sudden image of Lexy squirming beneath her, hands over her head, stirred Sam's blood and made her grin wickedly as she left Tess's flat. _Detectives__ do it with handcuffs._


	9. Chapter 9

**Your reviews are feeding my Muse. It's about time to introduce a backstory for Lexy as it will be hard to write more without going in that direction. Again, no copyright infringements intended. This is purely my version of what could possibly happen if Harriet Braun and her writing staff do not get the opportunity to give us the real thing with a Season Three. Enjoy! And, yes, the last line of this chapter is an echo of a Heather Peace cover. I couldn't resist.**

**Fusion Chapter 9**

Lexy had changed into her scrubs and lay on the narrow cot, trying to calm her racing thoughts and get some much needed rest. Unfortunately, sleep wouldn't come. Instead, she continued to dwell on the weekend's events and the conversations that had dissolved into massive screw-ups. She had let Tess down and damaged what little trust she had established with Sam. Usually, she was able to ride through her daily mishaps and find the humor in a sticky situation. But this weekend was different. She was different. Sam called her on being a player and that hurt. She could see the disappointment in Sam's eyes. The cop had been through so much already; Lexy wanted desperately to be a part of the solution, not a part of the problem.

She had been living the fast life for years but, now, there was a woman who could offer her something more - an honest-to-God mature relationship. When Sam held her in her arms, there was something so solid, so right about their connection. Suddenly, foot-loose and fancy-free didn't seem so appealing. Waking up, warm and secure in Sam's bed brought back memories of long ago when she valued and believed in a long-term commitment. Just because her dreams were shattered once did not mean she had to continually choose partners who were physically or emotionally unavailable. She didn't need a therapist to highlight her dysfunctional behavior. The parental tapes and nightmares still played in her head, bringing to mind her own issues of abandonment and intimacy, her constant need to rescue. No matter the location, Glasgow or Melbourne, she would always carry her wounds with her.

Seeing Sam in distress sparked something greater in her than a need to rescue. Sam had believed in fidelity. She had lost her dream of a committed relationship when Cat betrayed her. Unlike Lexy, Sam's anger wasn't turning into a caustic cynicism. Instead, her anger turned inward causing the self doubt and panic attacks. Yet, Sam still wanted to believe in the possibility of monogamy. Lexy knew this from Sam's shock at her own loose lifestyle. And, in that moment, Lexy knew that what she was missing could be found in sharing Sam's dream. They both knew what it was like to have loved and lost_. Could a future partnership be built on that?_

Lexy would have to reveal her own sad history to Sam. They really were strangers in so many ways. Here they were, now in their 30s, established professionally, yet desperately longing for someone to fulfill their deepest desires. Lexy knew what it was like to hit rock bottom. She also knew how difficult it was to climb back up. That's why she and Sam were kindred spirits. _Friends, first._ Yes, she could be a friend. She could give Sam what she needed. The sex was hot. The love that she felt building would, in time, take root. Sam was still recovering from her free fall and not yet ready to begin another long-term commitment. Lexy just had to keep Sam's belief alive, to nurture the dream. She, too, wanted so very much to believe in second chances. She wanted to be a part of Sam's life.

The door to the break room swung open. Declan's tall frame filled the doorway as he flipped the lights on. Lexy squinted and shielded her eyes, inwardly groaning that he had to be on duty.

"Lexy! You're not on shift, are you?"

Lexy rose from the cot, smoothing her rumpled scrubs, and faced her colleague. "Nah, I'm just crashing, looking for a quiet spot to take a nap."

Eyebrows raised, Dr. Love approached for a closer inspection. He didn't miss the dark shadows under her eyes. Something was amiss.

"Since when did the four-star accommodations of our break room become the logical choice for rest and recovery on a day off?"

Lexy shrugged, wishing he would let the matter drop. But Declan was persistent once he homed in on a bit of uncertain behavior. Like a terrier chewing on a treasured bone, he would not let go easily. The sex-crazed doctor thrived on gossip and drama. Best to face the man now and set things straight. Otherwise, by tomorrow morning, he would circulate his own version of disheveled Dr. Price, hiding out in the break room. Declan Love's motto was "Don't let truth get in the way of a good story." He could be such a royal pain in the arse!

"I've had a busy weekend, some misunderstandings amongst friends. Just needed to escape the pressure, be alone." _Could the man take the hint? Of course not!_

Declan pulled out a chair and motioned Lexy to join him at the small table. As she reluctantly sat down, she glanced at her watch. "Don't you have to be back on the floor in another five minutes?"

"Ah, my dear lassie," he crooned, "these next five minutes will be the high point of my day. Tell Dr. Love your problem; he will offer an appropriate diagnosis." The signature wink only added to Lexy's annoyance.

"Look, a lot's happened since I saw you last." _Oh, this was like stoking the fire. _His eyes were gleaming. _Just the basics, just give him a few innocent facts._

Declan waited. Lexy shifted in her seat. "I saw Tess in her performance at the Tron." The wordy doctor was still silent.

"I also saw Sam." _Did the temperature in the room just turn warmer?_

"Aha!" _Finally, a reaction._ "So my dear Watson, what kind of forensic adventure did you and Sherlock get on with?"

_Amazing how Declan completely ignored her evening with Tess and focused on her time with Sam!_

"If you must know, we spent most of the weekend together. And, before you wag your eyebrows in judgment and I tell you to bugger off, just respect my choices and keep your opinions to yourself."

Declan looked a bit stunned as Lexy stood up and delivered her final statement. "I'm a big girl. I know what I want." With that, she was out the door before her befuddled colleague could think of an appropriate retort.

* * *

Sam walked down the hallway of A&E, searching for a familiar face. Lexy did not seem to be on the floor.

"Can I help you?" An older nurse came nearer.

"I'm looking for Dr. Lexy Price." The nurse's somewhat stern demeanor prompted Sam to adopt a more official stance.

"DS Murray, City Centre Police. Dr. Price is a friend of mine. I thought she might be at hospital this afternoon."

The nurse brought Sam to the nursing station and rechecked the activity log. "She's not scheduled for duty."

"I realize that but, when the medical personnel are off-duty, where do they usually congregate?"

"We have assigned break rooms for each unit. Let me check for you." Sam waited patiently until the nurse returned with her limited information. "Dr. Price is not in the break room. However, Dr. Love told me that she had just left."

Sam was becoming discouraged but the nurse suggested another possibility. "Why don't you try the cafeteria? She may be getting a bite to eat."

* * *

Reduced staff on Sunday afternoons led to a mostly empty dining area. Lexy was glad as she just wanted to sit down in a corner and be alone with her thoughts. She hoped that she had cut Declan short at least for the immediate future. Sometimes he could be such a twit but, deep down, she still valued his friendship. All she needed was some space the next few days to sort herself out. She picked at her salad, not really hungry. A hand on her shoulder caused her to twist around in surprise.

"Sam!"

"You're a hard person to find. I was going to call out the bloodhounds." Sam smirked and took a seat across from Lexy. She seemed completely relaxed. Lexy, on the other hand, was still feeling off balance from the entire weekend's events.

Sam's teasing smile turned to a look of concern. "Lex, are you okay? I'd hoped you were still in the flat when I got back from my … temper tantrum and morning run."

Lexy was about to reply when Sam held her hand up and proceeded. "Let me sort this quickly before you tell me what a prat I was. First of all, I could tell that I was minutes away from a panic attack and I was determined to not let that happen. I kept thinking of your advice, to try to channel the adrenaline into something constructive. So, I bolted and I ran. And it worked! The exercise calmed me down, let me think clearly again when I came back to the flat."

In an unexpected display of affection, Sam reached across the table to hold Lexy's hand. Lexy was as speechless as Declan had been just minutes earlier.

Sam squeezed Lexy's hand. "I got your note and your pressie. And, yes, you are bloody cheeky but it was much appreciated. So much better than a swift kick in the arse."

Now Lexy laughed, so relieved to have Sam sitting here with her in such good humor. _Her gamble had paid off!_ Of course, Sam had every right to be disturbed even though she was finding a way to laugh about it.

"Sam, I'm not without blame. I know what I told you about Bea was a shock. I didn't think you saw me that way. And, sometimes, the truth hurts. I've learned to survive by keeping things, relationships, very, very loose. No strings attached for many years now. But that's not who I expect to be with you. I'm getting a bit too old for all the game playing. I feel something much deeper with you, with us. To be frank, I was jealous of what Cat had with you and angry as hell that she abused it. I know you're not ready to consider that kind of commitment again. God knows, I've almost forgotten how much I've missed it myself. I just want us to be friends, mates, and to be able to help each other through the dark days. No pressure. I really do mean what I wrote in the note. The past two nights with you have been amazing. I want to keep seeing you. I want us to have a chance to get to know each other better, warts and all."

Lexy paused, looked down at their clasped hands, then back at Sam's face as she quietly added, "You're not the only one fighting demons."

Sam gazed at this intriguing woman who had somehow managed to see beyond her stoic mask and defensive walls. She wanted to take her in her arms and not let go. She wanted to offer Lexy the same safe space she had offered her.

"Come back to the flat with me. I'm going to cook dinner for you. And you're going to get a good night's sleep."

They joined hands again as they walked from the cafeteria, not caring who was watching. They had much more talking to do. Their differences would more than likely lead to other confrontations, but they had just faced each other and found a mutual strength.

Sam was feeling good.


	10. Chapter 10

**Comfort Zones Chapter 10**

"Sam, we could just get take-away again."

Lexy stared at the rapidly filling cart as she followed her friend down the aisles of the crowded supermarket. It seemed that Sunday afternoon was prime time for pensioners stopping abruptly to tally their coupons or renegade toddlers who liked running into people's legs. "It's a bloody obstacle course!" Lexy was sure there would be multiple bruises on her shins by the time they reached the cop's flat.

Sam, however, was on a mission. Cooking for Lexy provided the impetus to restock her empty fridge and pantry. It also provided the opportunity to make up for some of her rather rude behavior. Angry outbursts would not help to sustain the newfound intimacy they had both experienced this weekend. She was suddenly feeling quite protective of the doctor and not even sure why. Lexy's usual funny and flippant self had taken a serious turn. The least Sam could offer were a hot meal and a listening ear. This friend who shared her bed had, indeed, gotten under her skin.

"One more aisle. What flavor?"

"Sam?"

"Ice cream. I don't know your favorite flavor."

Sam navigated skillfully through a horde of young mothers and screaming children. Lexy rushed to escape the scrum and pulled on Sam's arm as they entered the frozen dairy aisle. "Another reason why I became a lesbian."

Sam snickered. "Well, the good doctor still has her wit intact after all." She reached out and playfully touched the tip of Lexy's nose.

"I would rather be in A&E doing triage than food shopping!"

"I don't mind shopping, or cooking for that matter." Sam paused in front of the ice-cream selection and pointed. Lexy reached in and chose chocolate-chip mint.

"Cracking. My favorite too."

As they queued up at the checkout, Sam realized that spending time in the supermarket with Lexy had already given her a better idea of her friend's culinary tastes. They both liked hot and spicy sauces, most green vegetables, red meat, and chocolate digestives. Tonight, though, Sam was preparing a quick and easy curry chicken with carrots and potatoes. _Cooking was a lot like the logistics of an undercover sting. You defined your target (the recipe), gathered the necessary intel (the ingredients), put together your team and equipment (proper pots and utensils), and conducted the operation (dinner for two in approximately 35 minutes)._

* * *

Lexy peeled, diced, and chopped. Sam heated the deep frying pan and prepared the curry paste. She gave Lexy a quick taste from her mixing spoon. "Spicy enough?" Lexy nodded her agreement.

They worked well together, focused on their individual tasks. Lexy was impressed by Sam's organizational skills – all ingredients, bowls, seasonings, utensils, were lined up carefully. Sam worked quickly and methodically.

As she dropped the diced onion into the fry pan, Lexy commented, "You're quite the perfectionist, aren't you?"

Sam looked up and nodded. "It's best to have all your ducks in a row. Everything goes smoothly, no surprises."

Lexy snorted. "We definitely have different styles in the kitchen. I'm a believer in creative chaos myself. I scatter the goods, consult the recipe once, and then attack. I let the kitchen gods inspire me."

"The 'kitchen gods'?" Sam seemed a bit dubious.

Lexy gently pushed her friend aside as she brushed the chunks of chicken into the simmering curry paste that Sam kept stirring.

"Breast meat, always the best. Most tender," Sam observed as she continued stir-frying. Lexy smirked.

"So, you favor breasts, do you?"

Sam turned, spatula in hand, and saw the mischief in Lexy's eyes. "Well, Doctor Price, I do favor a good, solid breast in hand both in the kitchen and … other parts of the house."

"And how does one test for quality control?"

Sam put the spatula on the counter, placed a lid on the fry pan, and grabbed Lexy. "Like this!"

Lexy giggled as Sam's warm hands found their way under her scrub top and firmly cupped her breasts. Sam's thumbs brushed her nipples teasingly, and now both women were laughing. However, Lexy could not help but react to the physical attention and her sudden arousal changed the playfulness into something much more intense. Sam's eyes darkened as she pressed the doctor against the kitchen counter and kissed her ardently. Lexy threw her arms around Sam's neck and brought their lips together for another heated kiss.

Sam slowly stroked her hands down Lexy's firm stomach and gripped her around the waist. Their laughter had changed into throaty whispers as they stayed in the embrace. "You have quite a nice six-pack, doctor. Have you been working out?" Sam's lips caressed Lexy's ear and made her shiver.

She managed to breathlessly reply, "I have a personal trainer, a very fit detective. Unfortunately, she's been off her game lately but I'm hoping that she will resume the sport once again."

Sam kissed her again, tongues teasing and tasting of curry paste. "And which sport is that exactly?"

"Running, but I think gymnastics may be in the bag also."

Sam turned off the stove and the women retired to the bedroom for a bit of … exercise.

* * *

They ate much later than anticipated. Other hungers were satisfied first.

Lexy rested her long legs on the coffee table as Sam brought in two bowls of chocolate-chip mint ice cream. The curry chicken had been delicious – steaming, spicy and hot. The cold dessert would help to put out the fire in their mouths. Lexy smiled to herself as she thought of another way to extinguish the burn.

"What?"

"Nothing, really. I'm just awash in the glow of good food and charming companionship."

"What about the hot sex?"

Lexy blinked. "Feeling smug, are we?"

"I'm not as dull as you may think. I can be cocky when the need arises." Sam sat down on the sofa as Lexy nudged her in the ribs.

"DS Murray, dull is not a word that comes to mind when thinking of you. In fact, you have a certain swagger that has always caught my attention."

Sam took a spoonful of ice cream and fed it to Lexy. She watched intently as Lexy let it slowly melt in her mouth. "You are very good for my ego."

When she finally swallowed, Lexy replied, "I aim to please, detective. The truth, nothing but the truth."

They finished their desserts in a relaxed silence. After their interlude in the bedroom, Lexy had changed into her cheeky t-shirt and hospital pants, feet bare. Sam had put on a tank top and boxers, her lean legs propped on the coffee table next to Lexy's.

Sam put her arm around her … friend. _Lexy was becoming much more than a mate._ They were starting to connect on so many levels and Sam did not feel threatened. She wanted this to happen.

"Thank you."

Lexy turned, confused. "For what?"

"For not giving up on me."

"Ah, well, someone had to hit you on the head and wake you up. I'm very good at shock therapy."

Sam's eyes grew distant. "I would look in the mirror and see a stranger. I didn't know who I was anymore."

Lexy leaned into the warm space under Sam's arm and nestled her head on her shoulder. "You were traumatized. Don't be too hard on yourself. You just needed time and space to come back to yourself."

"I never want to fall that hard again. Lexy, I'm not a saint. I did some things … I was out of my head for a bit."

Lexy looked up and placed her fingers on Sam's lips. "Stop. Don't go there right now. This has been such a great evening. Stay here, in the moment, with me."

Sam shook her head. "I do have to tell you this much, though. I went to see Tess today. I was actually looking for you but managed to stay and apologize."

"How did she take it?"

"It was awkward at first. I know she's angry at your being with me. But Tess has this huge heart. She wants to believe the best of everyone. I honestly think that we can be friends again. Whilst I was sorting things out, the police arrived."

"Police!"

"Looking for Sadie. Warrants, no less. What a cock-up. She's wanted for robbery, amongst other allegations."

"Omigod, poor Tess."

"She was a bit shaken so I stayed on until most of the search was done. Tess will have to give a statement. You will, too, once you're back at the flat. By the way, I did vouch for you two with the detectives. And I also put in a good word for you with Tess. She's just as gutted as you are about your falling out. I think she's ready to see you back at the pad. Really, things will straighten out again."

Lexy sighed. She was finding it hard to fathom all that was happening. The lovemaking, food and wine, news about Tess and Sadie, had all combined to produce an unanticipated lethargy. As her eyes closed and Sam's arm tightened around her, she murmured, "Hmm, feels so good. I want to tell you things about myself, Sam. We have to talk … but I'm so tired …"

Sam kissed the top of Lexy's head, stood up, grabbed the exhausted doctor by the wrists, and pulled her into a tender hug.

"As my trusted physician would say, 'stay in the moment'. You are knackered. It's time for bed. There will be another day for your confession."

With that, Sam led Lexy into the bedroom, tucked her in, and kissed her forehead. Lexy was fast asleep in minutes. Sam lingered, looking at her affectionately. Finally, she bent down, brushed a stray lock of tousled hair from her friend's forehead, and quietly left the room.

A short time later, Sam stood in front of her bathroom mirror and smiled faintly at her reflection. Touching her lips, she whispered, "Hello, old friend, welcome back."


	11. Chapter 11

**Dear Friends, thank you for your lovely reviews and enthusiasm for this story. I am going on vacation but wanted to leave you in a warm and fuzzy place. So, sit back, grab a cuppa, and picture your favorite couple in the scene below ... Not to worry, there will be more drama ahead but it's nice to give Sam and Lexy some happy time, too. Will be back toward the end of the month. Keep calm and carry on. All reviews most appreciated. Cheers, CG**

**Monday Morning Chapter 11**

"Lexy, sleepyhead, wake up."

Somehow, her muddled brain began to make sense of the softly spoken words and she pried her eyes open to see a large cup of coffee in her line of vision. The enticing aroma helped to draw her back to reality. Squinting and raising herself up on her elbows, the groggy doctor looked at a grinning, well-dressed detective. "My God, what time is it?"

Sam, amused at Lexy's somewhat addled condition, checked her wristwatch and answered, "Time for those who work for a living to be up and about."

Lexy yawned, took the coffee, and gave Sam an irritated glare. "Are you always so chipper before the sun rises?"

Sam walked to the windows and raised the shades. "The sun has been up and shining for at least thirty minutes. I just took pity on you and let you sleep a bit longer."

Morning light filled the room and made Lexy squint even more. Normally, she was early to rise but her exhausted state had certainly taken its toll. She didn't even remember going to bed last night, well, Sam's bed. However, as she gazed up at Sam's smiling face, she had a fleeting memory of lips brushing her forehead … "Did you put me to bed?"

"I think you were completely zonked by the time I managed to tuck you in."

"Tuck?" Lexy burst out laughing. "I never thought of you as a nanny before."

Sam winked as she turned to the wardrobe mirror and adjusted her collar. "I have been known to rescue stray cats and children."

For a brief moment, Lexy's eyes held a glimmer of sadness but then she brightened and continued the banter. "Perhaps you should have chosen fire brigade instead of police work."

Sam smirked as she came back to the bed, retrieved the now empty coffee cup and leaned over to plant a quick kiss on Lexy's lips. "I've left you a bagel and there's more coffee in the pot. Have to run as I'm in charge of the debriefing this morning and there are plans to set in motion. Busy week ahead."

Lexy grabbed Sam's free hand and pulled her back. "You're in a good place right now. I can feel the positive energy. But be careful. Ring me on my mobile if you feel a panic attack coming on." She got up and hugged the detective. "The worst may be over. A few attacks don't always lead to a long-term panic disorder. I think you're beginning to regain control."

Sam wrapped an arm around Lexy's waist and squeezed her. "You've helped me. I'm seeing things in a new light. And I'm not afraid now to see someone professionally about all this, the anger and the anxiety. I just want to do it privately, away from the job. Do you know someone?"

Lexy nodded, secretly pleased that Sam was willing to take such an important step. "Sure, a colleague - an older woman, psychiatrist. I think she will be good for you."

Sam kissed Lexy once more, taking her time. "Not as good as you, doctor. But I am willing to expand my horizon."

Lexy broke from their embrace and patted Sam on the shoulder. She couldn't hide her admiration. "I'm proud of you. You're doing everything right."

Embarrassed, Sam looked at her wristwatch. "I really have to go. What's your schedule for the week? When will I see you again?"

Sam knew already that she was going to miss Lexy at her side. What they had shared this past weekend was so unexpected, so special. But both women had obligations to meet, lives to lead, apart from their growing bond.

"I'm on extended shift the next four days which means I'll be spending the nights at hospital. When will you be running? I expect you to be running, right?"

Sam knew she was being challenged. Lexy was right - it was time to resume her routine. At least they might be able to share their exercise during the coming week, if nothing else. "I should be able to do a run tomorrow and Thursday morning. Will it fit with your schedule?"

Lexy would be free by early morning each day of extended shift and her spirit lifted. _Yes! Running together again. Sam in Lycra. Oh yes!_

"It's a date! On the bridge at seven?"

"Right you are."

Lexy followed Sam to the front door. Another brief kiss, and she disappeared down the hall. Lexy closed the door and leaned against the wall, a dreamy smile spreading across her face. She wandered to the kitchen and saw that the table had been neatly set for one. Small bowls of cream cheese and jam sat next to a morning paper whilst a bagel lay hidden under a linen napkin. Lexy grinned as she reheated the coffee. _Is this what domestic bliss feels like? If so, spot on!_


	12. Chapter 12

**I am still on the road but have managed to capture a computer. Enjoy!**

**Getting Back On Track Chapter 12**

The debriefing went better than she expected. Sam was afraid that her peers would not be as accepting of her at the helm because of her recent bouts of anger and anxiety at the station. Thankfully, memories of her volatile moods and curt behavior with her colleagues did not seem to follow her into the conference room.

The members of the narc team were all seasoned professionals. They had been working on Beehive long enough to share a special fellowship. Sam sighed in relief at the calm and steady gazes that welcomed her as she reported on Ryder's medical leave of absence (the full two weeks she had hoped for). Then she walked everyone through the written report of their raid.

No accusations or conjectures were thrown her way about how Ryder was injured. It seemed that her fellow cops were busy with their part of the bust, apprehending the other criminals and collecting the evidence. In the mayhem, no one had noticed Sam's lapse and anxiety, her lack of coverage for her partner. Sam silently thanked her good fortune. She would have to live with that slip-up for a long time. There were certainly several more regretful incidents that she would have to make peace with as well. Best not to go there at the moment. Her job, as team leader, was to rally the troops and throw out an extensive net for the main player, Thomas McFeddin. The notorious drug lord had just taken a major hit. Their raid was successful in nicking most of McFeddin's lieutenants and confiscating a significant stash of coke, horse, and Ecstasy. Now to find the Kingpin himself.

"What's the latest on the street?"

"Informants are running scared. He's still about, definitely gone underground."

Sam pointed to two of the officers sitting in the front row. "Have we got enough undercover in place? Someone has to know something. Time is a factor. I don't want this guy leaving the country."

A handsome man with a military-style haircut spoke up. "We've switched up some of the assignments just to introduce new faces into the local scene. We are double-teaming in all the suspected pubs and strip clubs. It's harder to pick up any leads now with our CIs running for cover. A cornered McFeddin's mean enough to put the fear of God into the lot of them."

The younger blonde to his side shook her head and continued, "I wouldn't be surprised if he's calling in all his markers. I think we should get some news soon. One of our nicks, Lefty MacHenry, had been tagged a while back as wanting to open his own operation, leave the fold so to speak. I hear that McFeddin 'persuaded' him to stay on by beating up two of his younger brothers – badly enough to have them both in hospital for a fortnight. MacHenry could be our weak link now that he's in custody."

Sam listened carefully. "Good show. Has anyone interrogated MacHenry yet?"

"No, ma'am. All the lieutenants are still being held for interrogation which we were planning to begin this morning."

"Excellent." With that, Sam picked up a list of the offenders and assigned team members to each individual. She saved MacHenry for herself and DC Sanderson, the no-nonsense officer with the military haircut.

"Let's play 'divide and conquer'. See what the other lieutenants have to say about any bad blood between McFeddin and MacHenry. Someone may be willing to talk in exchange for a lesser conviction. You know the game. Go ahead and play it. In the meantime, I want all undercover units out there digging for dirt, 24/7. I want this operation tightly wrapped before Ryder returns. We owe him that." The detectives nodded in agreement.

Sam knew that she, alone, owed Ryder much more than that. He had covered for her these past couple months and she was determined to repay his loyalty.

* * *

Lexy rinsed and stacked the breakfast dishes on the counter before taking a quick shower. She was surprised at how easily she fit into Sam's space. The flat seemed to welcome her, even when its prime tenant was gone. Although she had overslept, she still had time to take care of her basic needs and then head back to her own flat before going to hospital. She really wanted to begin the week on a better note with Tess. Sam had set a conciliatory tone and it was only right that she follow through now with her own apology.

Luckily, the two errands she wanted to run were on the way home so her mission was a success. Letting herself into the flat, she tiptoed into the kitchen and deposited her peace offerings. She was glad to see that Tess's door was shut and assumed she was probably still asleep. Actors did not have to answer to early morning wake-up calls! She went to her own room, changed into fresh clothes, and repacked her rucksack for the upcoming week. She wanted to have her running gear handy for Tuesday and Thursday mornings in case she didn't make it back to the flat in between shifts. Her bedroom would be empty the next few nights and, suddenly, she wanted Tess to know just where she would be sleeping. With Sadie on the lam, the flat would be quiet and possibly lonely.

A soft knock wakened Tess and she sat up, alert. Her heart started to race. Had Sadie come back? The police officer's card was on her nightstand; she was about to reach for her mobile just as Lexy's voice interrupted, "May I come in?" Tess got up quickly, her heart still racing, and put on her robe. She could not decide which was more unsettling – facing a known fugitive or facing a mate who did not feel any attraction for her.

Letting out a deep breath, she opened the door.

"Hey. I know I must be on your shit list, but can we talk?"

Tess walked back to the bed, sat down, and motioned Lexy to sit beside her.

"I don't expect you to forgive me. What I did was thoughtless and I know I hurt you. But I could only think of Sam at that moment. She told me that she let you know about the panic attacks. I already saw her struggling and she kept shutting me out. I was worried that she might do something desperate." Lexy paused and tried to judge Tess's response but her face, though sad, gave nothing away. She continued, "The tone of her voice that night sounded like she had nowhere to go, no one to turn to. She had reached the end of the line. Suddenly, the play, you and Ed, didn't seem to matter. Not because I didn't care but because I felt that it was a turning point for Sam. Someone had to be there when she hit bottom." Lexy wanted so much for Tess to understand. She touched her forearm and held her gaze. "I know what it's like to be that alone."

Tess sensed how much Lexy had shared. This was about her as much as Sam. The wise-cracking, fun-loving mate carried hidden wounds of her own. Maybe reaching out to Sam could help them both heal. How could she feel bad about that?

"You fancy her, don't you? I think I knew this all along, but I still wanted to believe that you and I had something special. You know?" Tess was calm, looking at Lexy with an almost detached resolve.

Lexy squeezed her arm and reassured her. "We do have something special. You've made me feel more welcomed here than I have in a long, long time. And your friends became my friends. Should we count Sadie in for the group hug?" They both groaned and shook their heads. "Talk about wounded birds," Lexy managed to add.

Tess had not pulled away from her tentative touch and now faced Lexy with a slight smile. "Are you coming back to the flat?"

"I never intended to leave. I just took a detour …"

"And, what did you find?"

"A new direction, something I want to explore very much."

"With Sam?"

"Yes, with Sam, but I honestly don't know where it will lead. That's why I'll need my friends to support me." She squeezed Tess's arm again.

"So, you're staying on here with me. And …"

Lexy finished Tess's thought. "Spending whatever time I can with Sam to see just where this attraction is going. We're both a bit stunned at how strong a connection it is and how quickly things escalated this past weekend. But, no, she hasn't asked me to move in with her. I think the ghost of Cat is still something we both have to contend with. Yet I do want to be with her whenever possible. Can you accept that and still live here with me?"

Tess realized that not having Lexy in her life was no option at all. She bumped her lightly on her shoulder and simply said, "yes."

The two women spent the next half hour talking about Tess's successful debut, Sadie's predicament, the cute female detective who assured Tess that she could "ring me anytime", and Lexy's need to get in touch with the cute female detective to give a statement. Lexy gave Tess her week's schedule and suggested that Ed spend the nights in the flat to keep Tess company. She also told her that she would drop in whenever she was off shift if she had the time. By the end of their catch-up, their relaxed faces pointed to a new beginning.

Lexy looked at her watch and jumped from the bed. "Omigod, I cannot afford to be late! Gotta run!"

Tess stood up and grabbed Lexy's arm. "One final question."

Lexy looked surprised. "Of course. What?"

"Does she like Coldplay?"

"Brat!" Lexy's throaty laugh echoed in the foyer as she left the flat.

A short time later, Tess wandered into the kitchen and found two bottles of wine and a new CD of "Johnny Cash's Greatest Hits".


	13. Chapter 13

**Dating Games Chapter 13**

She hadn't seen Sam in three days - three very long days. Their planned meeting on the bridge had to be cancelled Tuesday when a multiple-car collision caused an influx of patients in the A&E. Lexy had stayed on to handle the triage and, although her mind was on the needs of the injured, her heart was elsewhere. She could tell that Sam was disappointed too as they spoke briefly that morning on their mobiles. Lexy barely managed to describe the chaotic scene at the hospital before ringing off but Sam's voice lowered as she said she understood, quietly adding "I'll miss you". The feeling was mutual. They had only fallen into each other's arms days ago but, somehow, their initial encounter had left its mark.

Lexy's extended shift kept her up through the night hours and this was probably good. Whenever she did have a break to lie down, images of Sam in the throes of passion invaded her brain, leaving her restless and unfulfilled.

Thursday morning could not have come soon enough. Lexy needed some hard physical exercise to dispel the sexual tension. Just seeing Sam jogging toward her, with a crooked grin and firm muscles rippling under her running tights, brought a surge of warmth and excitement. She hoped her face was not too flushed.

"Lexy!" Sam stopped abruptly and gave her a quick hug.

Lexy could see the sweat already forming on Sam's forehead and neck and had a sudden urge to lick the moisture away. _Sack it, woman. You're acting like a bloody adolescent!_

Bending down to retie her trainer provided a reasonable alibi for some of the heat in her cheeks. Sam had turned and kept jogging in place, giving Lexy a most favorable view of Sam's posterior in motion. Not thinking, she blurted as she got up, "Lord, you have the best glutes!"

"Are you staring at my arse?" Sam's right eyebrow rose and that crooked smile grew even wider.

"Puh … purely from a professional point of view. A well-toned body is something we all should strive for." _Omigod, how lame can I sound?_

Sam smirked and decided to disregard her friend's ramblings. She found that she truly enjoyed seeing Lexy flustered. This brilliant woman stumbling over words always caused a swell of deep affection.

"How far have you been running?" That got Lexy's attention and she quickly turned to the task at hand. She and Sam had not been running partners for several weeks and she wanted to impress the fit detective with her present conditioning. It was not much fun running three or four times a week without Sam but she had stayed the course and was slowly building up a challenging routine of moderate distance and speed.

"I've been doing three miles on average, remembering to alternate the pace and the terrain. I'm doing much better on the hills now."

Sam took a swig from her water bottle and pointed to the winding riverwalk below the bridge. "I have to regain some of the momentum I've lost so let's just do a flat run today. Let me set the pace and we'll go for about two miles; then end with a fast walk. Okay?"

"Aye, aye, captain." Lexy saluted. They pushed off the bridge and ran the riverside course. Their bodies easily picked up the comfortable rhythm they had previously established before Sam's panic attacks.

They did not use their iPods on this run, keeping a light banter and just enjoying the small talk and each other's company. Lexy had glanced at the silent iPod attached to Sam's arm and could not resist asking an important question.

"Do you have any Coldplay on your playlist?" She puffed this out as they ran side-by-side.

Sam gave her a quizzical look and replied, "No, not really much of a fan." Neither of them broke stride but Lexy's dimpled cheeks affirmed Sam's answer.

In thirty minutes, they had made a full loop and were back on the bridge. Now both runners had a healthy glow to their cheeks, their hair and faces damp with perspiration. It was a satisfactory first effort.

Aware that Lexy already had an exhausting workweek, Sam inquired if she had time for their favorite coffee bar. "Shot of caffeine before you get back to the hospital?"

"Yeah, I'd like that. In fact, I have time to go back to my flat to shower and change before my shift begins."

Lexy had told Sam about her heart-to-heart talk with Tess and both were relieved to know that Tess was making an effort to accept the sudden change in their relationship. Lexy had also found time to speak with DC Gordon and give a brief statement regarding her association with Sadie. Nothing else had happened on that front at all, but Lexy found it curious that the red-haired detective seemed to ask some questions about Tess as well. The young woman seemed to step beyond the professional and wanted to know what kind of friends Tess entertained, who visited the flat, etc. Lexy was intrigued and mentioned it to Sam. "Do you think she's taken a fancy to Tess?"

"Blair? Well, I wouldn't be surprised. In a way, they both have the same kind of personalities – funny, easy-going, although Blair has a tougher edge to her given the profession. I've always liked Blair. I don't think she's dating anyone right now. Of course, she'll have to keep her distance until this matter with Sadie is all sorted."

"Tess deserves someone with a generous heart. I hope something does come of this. I was only at the station for an hour but DC Gordon made a proper impression. So sorry I missed you yesterday. What's the latest on your case?"

"We've had a few leads this week and I've been hopping about trying to follow through on the assigned stakeouts. We've identified some locals who may provide a solid trail to McFeddin. Of course, they don't know they've been targeted. Smoke and mirrors at this point. Ryder is doing well at home but itching to get in on the action. I'm hoping that McFeddin will be in our hands by next week. Ryder has risked enough."

Lexy felt a sudden chill race down her spine as she looked at Sam. "You have your people out there hunting, right? You won't do anything too heroic … or foolish?"

Sam gazed back. "I am working this from all angles. But I won't ask anyone on my team to step into the line of fire before I'm willing to do the same, Lex. And I owe Ryder a lot."

They finished their coffee in silence. Lexy was the one to venture further. She kept her voice casual, non-threatening. "So, are you going to be tied up with the case this weekend?" She could see the strain on Sam's face and knew how important it was for her to get back in control at the workplace. Yet, she worried that Sam was taking too much on her own shoulders, trying to redeem herself for her prior missteps. And Sam could be as stubborn as Lex once she was focused on a mission. Lexy wanted to provide a necessary diversion.

"I thought, maybe, we could meet for dinner Friday night. I'll finally be free of the night shift and looking for some R&R. I promised Tess that I'd see the show Saturday night, but Friday is still open. We haven't really had dinner out yet." _We haven't really done anything 'out' yet. Is Sam ready for this?_

Sam ran her finger over the rim of her coffee cup. Lexy's mind detoured as she pictured a more erotic scenario. Finally, Sam seemed to relax and replied, "You're right about the weekend. We have several stakeouts that may break open the case and I have to be on call. But I think I can manage a few hours to myself whilst the team is in position. If our leads pan out, Saturday or Sunday may be the ideal time to nab McFeddin as he makes his move."

"Brill. So Friday will work for us." Lexy tapped Sam's finger and let her see the longing in her face. "I've missed you this week."

"Lexy, last weekend was fab. I miss you too. But I'm so immersed in sorting this case that I haven't had time to …" Sam looked at Lexy's stricken face as she continued, "process everything that's happened with us." She could tell that wasn't what Lexy wanted to hear. _Damn words. So inadequate._

"Sam, I know it all seems a bit much but couldn't we just take it a day at a time? Dinner out is not exactly a long-term commitment." _Did I just say that?_

Sam wrapped her fingers around Lexy's and squeezed tightly. "No, of course not. I just haven't done the social thing since … Cat. Well, I did take a chance on a wine-tasting event with a very attractive and leggy brunette." Sam winked.

Lexy smirked. "But that wasn't really a date! I was feeling intimidated on showing up alone at such a formal event and wanted a partner in crime."

"You made me laugh out loud again. My panic attack can't take away the fun we had that night." Sam's eyes were tender and Lexy could feel the warmth in her statement.

They both sat silently again. They had so much to learn about each other. _A crazy dance - when to lead, when to follow. Or thrust and parry?_

"I'm not sure I'm ready for the dating scene." Sam's reply was honest if not disappointing.

Lexy decided to be brave for both of them.

"We've been hiding in your flat and I'd very much like to eat out on Friday … with you. I think we need to put ourselves in different settings so we can really get to know each other. You took a big leap to come with me to the wine tasting and it paid off. You actually enjoyed yourself. Can you trust me to get you through a night out without any collateral damage to your psyche?"

Sam looked at this charming, persuasive woman and could not refuse her. "It's a date then."

Lexy had the last word. "No, let's consider it another wine-tasting event which happens to include a dinner menu and background music. We both know you have an aversion to dating. No pressure. I can be very, very patient."


	14. Chapter 14

**Torch Song Chapter 14**

In the end, she decided on a black miniskirt which revealed shapely legs in black tights. Lexy turned sideways in the full-length mirror and liked what she saw. She ran her hands down the cool, smooth leather that hugged her hips and smugly announced, "Tonight, sergeant, you will be the one checking out _my_ arse."

Tess had already left for the theatre and Lexy had time to shower and primp in the empty flat, laughing at her almost adolescent desire to make a favorable impression on Sam. For a non-date, tonight's dinner at a small jazz club in Merchant City was turning into a first-rate production.

Sam wanted to be near enough to the City Centre police station in case she was needed so Lexy let her choose the spot. Lexy also didn't want to suggest a place that may have held special meaning for Sam and Cat. She was fighting enough ghosts already and meeting Sam on neutral ground would give them the chance to focus on each other rather than any painful memories.

Even though she had moved to Glasgow three years ago, Lexy had never found a steady girlfriend and hung out mostly at the city's major gay bars and discos. Sam was right. She had been a player. One of her darker secrets was meeting Frankie in just such a bar when she first came to town. It was over before it even began. A quick shag in a dingy hallway, both of them high on tequila shots and God knows what else. _Damn, how she wished that never happened. What would that tawdry bit of news do to Sam? There was so much in her life that she wished never happened. _

Now she finally had a reason to believe again, to hope in building a future with someone whom she could really love. Sam was beginning to trust, to pull herself up from the tragic aftermath of Cat's betrayal. Lexy knew how hard it was to start over, to reach out. She had no one for so long that she had come to expect just the one-night stands, the fleeting affairs.

After all, she was the product of damaged goods. "That Price woman, what a lost cause." The words still stung. Even as a child, she could see the contempt and pity in the neighbors' faces. Her mother had never managed to escape the scars, mental and physical, of her drunken husband's abuse. Time and again, she would allow him back into their lives, only to end up feeling his wrath …

The mobile rang and Lexy took a deep breath as she glanced at the caller ID. Time to shake off the disturbing thoughts. Tonight was supposed to be fun, she and Sam – no ghosts of the past.

"Hey you." Her voice wavered. _God, I used to be such a tough-ass. I'm really losing my edge. _

"Lex? You okay?" Sam detected the slight tremor.

"Hey, right as rain. I just dropped my mobile and was bending down to pick it up." _While reliving my sad family history. _

"Listen, I have to sign off on some unexpected paperwork so why don't we meet at the club instead of my picking you up? I made reservations so there won't be a problem."

_Reservations? For a non-date? This was encouraging. Sam was making an effort._

"Great. I'll get there around seven and carefully explore the wine list whilst waiting for you."

"Hoping to find a voluptuous Bordeaux?" Sam's low voice seemed to draw out every suggestive syllable.

"DS Murray, I promise to select a full-bodied vintage, one which will definitely satisfy your demanding palette." _Two can play this game!_

"I think you are up to the task." She could feel Sam's smile in her words.

"Alright, then. 'Til tonight."

"'Bye, Lexy."

Lexy put the mobile in her bag, picked up a hairbrush, unpinned her quiff, and slowly brushed her long locks. Tonight, she was letting her hair down.

* * *

There was a three-piece combo onstage - piano, bass, drums. The entire room was bathed in blue light. A gleaming bar, all chrome and glass, anchored the corner opposite the stage and dance floor. Very sophisticated, very classy - not what she was expecting. Obviously there was much more to Sam than she had realized. The clientele were both gay and straight couples. They were a mostly young, professional crowd but not loud. Tables for two filled the room. Everyone seemed to be content with their own space whilst the band played smooth jazz riffs. _Wow! Quite a change from country and pop_. Lexy was so glad that she had gone for a more chic look: ankle boots with heels and a red, long-sleeved mohair sweater.

The hostess checked Sam's name from her list and led Lexy over to a somewhat secluded table in an alcove near the bandstand. Lex wondered if Sam had actually asked for such an intimate setting but then decided it was just a quirk of fate. After all, this was just an attempt to get better acquainted and Sam was not ready for dating. _Right?_

* * *

Sam had signed off on all the necessary work orders, including the assignments for the weekend's stakeouts. She was beginning to get that gut feeling which usually preceded a major breakthrough in a case. Her team had been working hard all week and they had narrowed their attention to two possible locations which could be harboring help for McFeddin as he'd try to leave the country. A reliable source finally came through with the tip that the drug lord was looking to make his getaway sometime in the next 24 to 72 hours. Sam and her officers would make sure that didn't happen.

It had been a challenging but productive week. Sam had immersed herself in police work with a new fervor, renewed confidence. She had Lexy to thank for most of that. _What a difference a week had made. What a difference Lexy was making in her life._ The anger over Cat had now settled into a subdued ache. Moments of panic had been replaced with moments of pure pleasure, laughter … Lexy. What a jolt of connection she had felt last Friday night when their lips first met. The morning after, it all seemed so wrong. She didn't want to drag Lexy into the undercurrent of her despair. But Lexy was persistent. She could not be pushed away. She didn't even ask for anything in return.

Something had shifted; something good had happened. She sensed that Lexy felt the same. They had found something worthwhile in each other, a safe harbor. Sam owed her so much.

The Blue Note had gotten rave reviews from Ryder. He and Josie had been there several weeks ago when the club opened. Sam and Ryder shared an avid interest in jazz which they did not discuss with their colleagues. League bowling, darts, pub crawling and footie scores were usually the main attractions that held the department together. Sam laughed to herself as she remembered Lexy asking about her iPod playlist. She had quite a collection of jazz classics and was not sure if Lexy appreciated the different artists, but would definitely find out tonight. Ryder said the house band cut quite a groove.

Sam could tell how very much Lexy wanted to go out with her. Choosing a jazz club would make Sam feel more relaxed, take some of the stress out of the whole thing. Lexy said "no pressure"; if only the butterflies in Sam's stomach would now cooperate!

There was enough time for a quick trip to the flat. She changed into a crisp pale-blue shirt and suddenly had the urge to go into her dresser, find a sleek black tie and drape it around her open collar. She usually wore waistcoats but decided to add a gray sport coat instead. Her black trousers and brogues completed the outfit. The whole ensemble was a step above casual but not too stiff or formal. She released the band at the back of her hair and finger combed her mane on the way out the door. _This is not a date._

* * *

The wine list was impressive. The waiter convinced Lexy to try a French Malbec, insisting that it would rival any Bordeaux on the menu. The musicians were playing a nice mix of slow and up-tempo songs. She sipped her wine and glanced at the couples on the dance floor. She and Sam had never danced. Well, they had, in a group, that very first night they met at Rubie's. Sam had some good moves and seemed to be enjoying herself much more than Cat. Lexy remembered making eye contact once or twice as they all clapped and gyrated to the disco beat. That, however, was not really dancing. Dancing was what was happening here on the dance floor … slow, sexy movements to slow, sexy music. Yes, she and Sam had never danced.

Lexy was on her second glass of wine. The female pianist had a sultry voice and was singing about love gone bad. _Great._ Lexy hoped the song would end before Sam arrived. _Why did the really good songs always dwell on regret and longing? _Life's miserable moments seemed to provide the best inspiration. Lexy was glad she wasn't a song writer.

She must have been daydreaming, or this second glass of wine was starting to affect her because, suddenly, she found herself staring into Sam's face. Musicians obviously were taking a break, dance floor deserted. _Whoa! Easy on the wine tasting, doctor._

Sam was looking down at her and seemed amused. "Earth to Dr. Price. Were you having a senior moment?" She nodded to the wineglass in Lexy's hand. "I see you started without me."

"Yes, this is a Malbec, with a hint of plum, blackberry, and violet." Lexy raised her glass in salute.

"No wet carpet?" Sam was seating herself and looking for the waiter.

"Nah, just a trace of wet dog." Lexy didn't miss a beat. She also didn't miss how unbelievably sexy Sam looked, and finished her second glass of wine in one gulp.

The waiter arrived, but before he could speak, Sam requested a bottle of "whatever the lady is having."

"Sam! I thought you would want to discuss the wine list, try some other labels. Just because I agreed to the waiter's suggestion …"

Sam winked. "You are so suggestible. But I trust your first choice. I think we should concentrate more on the food. I'm starving." Their eyes met and held on Sam's final statement.

Lexy felt the heat crawling up her neck. _Sod it, why did I wear a long-sleeved sweater?_

They ordered the Crab Claws as an appetizer. Lexy was finding that, now on her third glass of this delightful wine, she didn't much care what delicacy was placed before her. Sam insisted on the crabs because they were in season and she liked fresh seafood. Lexy was fixated on the slim black tie which added a certain mystique to Sam's attire.

"You look like a dick."

Sam snorted into her first glass of wine. "What?!"

Lexy tried to make her case. "A dick. A private eye. I've never seen you looking so, so … dickish. The coat and tie add a lot to your …" _Oh, hell, what am I trying to say?_

Sam sniffed her wine and took another sip. "This is pretty powerful stuff. Did you consume the first two glasses on an empty stomach?"

Lexy giggled. "Believe me, I know how to control my liquor." Somewhere, in the recesses of her mind, a warning bell began to ring.

Sam, on the other hand, did not seem overly concerned and continued to tease her slightly inebriated companion. "So you think I'm butch, huh?"

Lexy took a long, loving gaze and replied, "You are the finest example of law enforcement I have ever seen. Dick or no dick."

Now it was Sam's turn to feel the heat travel up her collar.

The Crab Claws arrived in all their splendor. As methodical as she was when cooking at home, Sam prepared her utensils and carefully began cracking and pulling the crab meat from its shell. Lexy was fascinated with the determination on Sam's face.

"Sam. Would you just open all the crabs? I'd rather not get any squirting juice on my sweater."

"My pleasure. You do know that the best meat is the hardest to reach. We have to suck the claws once I'm done."

Lexy's glass of wine spilled on the linen tablecloth. She was on her fourth glass and now convinced that she was having an out-of-body experience. _That's it for the wine. I'm drinking mineral water the rest of the night._

The attentive waiter rushed over to blot the stain and Sam continued attacking the crabs. Soon, both she and Lexy were dipping the crabmeat into the melted butter and smiling broadly. Sam speared the final piece and leaned over the table to place it gently into Lexy's mouth. She then began sucking the crab claws without even realizing that her love of seafood was wreaking havoc on Lexy's libido. Lexy, on the other hand, was convinced that she did, indeed, die and go to heaven. _Definitely an out-of-body experience._

By the time their main course was served, the jazz combo had returned to the bandstand and were playing swing classics. Sam's face was aglow as she watched the musicians work their magic.

_God, she loves music! This is so good for her. I think I can learn to love jazz too._

Sam turned back to Lexy and declared, "Ryder was spot on. This trio is excellent. I've missed live music."

Lexy asked, "Do you play?"

Sam seemed wistful. "No, not anymore. I took guitar lessons when I was a kid. Seems that I put it aside once I was busy catching criminals and upholding the law."

"How did you get into jazz?"

"My dad, oddly enough. He started me off on his Smithsonian Collection and then I began listening to jazz radio stations. Couldn't get enough of it - all styles, really. And the ladies who sang the blues, the torch songs, just tore me up. I wish I could sing like that."

"Wait 'til you hear the pianist. She sang a few before you got here."

As if on cue, the upbeat tempo came to an end and the bass player started a slow, throbbing four-beat rhythm which was soon embellished by the deep, resonant voice of the pianist. A torch song? Luckily, no one was leaving anyone. The singer just wanted a "Sunday Kind of Love". _Nice._ Lexy found herself caught up in the lyrics. They really spoke to her.

Sam watched the candlelight on their table envelop Lexy's face as she seemed entranced by the music and the dancers on the floor. She had never seen a more beautiful sight. Lexy was so unguarded, so lovely. Sam was torn between her new feelings for Lexy and her unresolved feelings for Cat. She could feel herself slipping, the edges of panic trying to slide back into her life.

"Lexy." She hated to break her partner's reverie, but she knew that they had to leave.

Lexy glanced at Sam and saw that she was in distress. "Stay calm. We can ride this out. Let's get you outside." As the song ended, Lexy called the waiter over, told him there was a medical emergency, that he should finalize the bill and she would meet him at the bar in five minutes to make payment. Sam was already walking quickly to the exit.

* * *

_Dammit!_ Sam leaned against the brick wall, willing herself to concentrate on her deep breathing, angry at herself for this setback.

She was hooked as soon as she saw Lexy in that red sweater, her hair flowing freely around her face. She had never seen her so relaxed, so stunning. And her slightly tipsy state only added to the charm. The wine and the dinner were fab. _It was the music._ The music was her undoing. She wanted nothing more than to take Lexy in her arms and dance the night away. But, suddenly, she remembered how Cat felt in her arms. How they often danced to the seductive strains of Sam's jazz classics, lingering in each other's arms, finally leading each other into the bedroom …

An arm went around her shoulder. Lexy's concerned face was peering into hers. "It's alright, Sam. It's going to take some time. I'm not giving up on you, on us."

"Etta James."

Lexy was totally confused.

"It's a jazz standard. 'Sunday Kind of Love.' Etta James has one of the best covers." Sam touched Lexy's warm cheek. "It's part of my collection. Someday, I'll play it for you … and we'll dance."


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello again. I've been away from my computer but still devoted to this story. This was a hard chapter to write. Since there is no Season Three and canon to build on, I have to venture off and create a backstory for Lexy. If there is a Season Three, I am almost sure that the writers will take us down a dark path. Lexy fascinates me - strong, sassy, resilient. Great traits, great character. I think Lexy is a survivor. And I think she hides her pain well, just like a certain cop, eh? So, read on and tell me what you think. Is this a believable scenario? If so, I will tie up a few more loose ends in the next chapter. I like showing the reversal of roles for Sam, too. These two 'tough guys' have sensitive souls. Enjoy, and thanks for your patience!**

**Secrets, Part 1 Chapter 15**

Lexy stayed the night. They made sweet, tender love just once before falling asleep in each other's arms.

Sam awoke to a pair of clear blue-gray eyes staring back at her. She couldn't help but feel guilty. "I'm sorry if I ruined your night."

"If fine wine, great food, and cool jazz are what you call a muck-up then I can't wait to see what you consider a really ace night out." Lexy raised her knee and nudged Sam's firm stomach under the sheets. "Besides, I'm the one who was getting pissed."

Sam gently squeezed Lexy's waist. "But you're such a charming drunk," she teased.

The clarity in Lexy's eyes dimmed as a look of sadness crossed her face. She shifted slightly and Sam could tell that she was pulling away. "I have to be careful." Lexy rolled onto her back and put her arm over her eyes. The next words were spoken softly, almost to herself. "My parents were alcoholics."

Sam reached for Lexy's arm. "Hey. Talk to me."

"There's not much to tell. Classic case. Dad drinks. Abuses mum. He treats her like dirt. She decides that she really is dirt. Falls into a deep depression. Never fights back."

Sam put her arm around Lexy and pulled her close, hoping that she would continue. There were unshed tears gleaming in her lover's eyes which were unsettling. The Lexy she knew was feisty and sarcastic besides warm and caring. Sam realized, though, that she had never seen Lex with her guard down. Sure, she had upset Lexy the morning she learned about Bea. Lexy seemed hurt but quickly defended herself and asked Sam to understand.

This revelation, however, was spoken from another place, someplace raw and deep from her childhood memories. The detective in Sam wanted to ask probing questions. The friend in her respected the need for Lexy to tell her story in her own time, her own way. So Sam kissed the top of Lexy's head, held her tight, and waited.

"I had a brother. My twin." Lexy's wan smile appeared as she looked up into Sam's face. "His name was Dylan. He was my best pal. We were inseparable. He was mum's favorite but often took the brunt of dad's anger because he was … different. Dylan was quiet, gentle, didn't like to play the rough-and-tumble games that boys usually got into. I was the tomboy. He was the thinker, the scientist. He practically taught himself to read and by the time we were in school, he couldn't get enough of books about nature and science. Seriously, the little professor. He would set up experiments in our room. Capture bugs, observe them, write in a little notebook. He was fascinated by the world around him. He once brought a fallen pigeon home in his book bag and hid it in the closet in a cardboard box. He nursed that bird and then convinced me to help him set it loose again. Dad found out and we got slapped around. It didn't take much to set dad off. Mum, though, was the one who usually got hit. I can remember the trips to the clinic when she was hurting so much and had to get help. Social workers would come to our house and check from time to time. We were identified as a family "at risk". Dad was a truckie, long-distance hauling. He was gone for weeks at a time. It was more peaceful when he was away. Mum would relax a bit, even relax the rules with us. But she missed her man. They were hot for each other. When dad was home, it was like he would suck up all the oxygen in the house and mum was totally focused on his every need. We got used to this and would find ways to keep ourselves out of their hair. Mostly, we'd play outside. Dylan wasn't too keen on the treehouse I built with boards and tin found about the neighborhood. But it became our refuge. No one could touch us. We'd lie there on hot summer afternoons, the leaves rustling in the trees, insects buzzing, and we'd play pretend. We'd have parents who really loved us and we'd have new clothes and shoes that fit and we'd never have to hide from anyone. Dyl was going to be a great doctor and I was gonna become a teacher."

Sam raised her eyebrows.

"We didn't have many friends at school. But there was one teacher in third grade who took an interest. She tried to talk to mum about our situation. We would often come in without warm clothes and only an apple or cracker in our bags for lunch. The worst mornings were the ones after mum and dad had a big fight. Doors would slam. He would leave. She would have new bruises and barely get us ready before shoving us out in time for the school bus. Miss Morris came to the house more than once. Mum would just shake her head sadly and promise to do better. But every time dad got back from one of his long-distance routes, the squabbling and yelling and drunken rages would begin again." Lex felt Sam's fingers on her shoulders, rubbing softly. She leaned into Sam seeking the comfort she didn't know she craved.

"It all started to fall apart after Dyl … after Dyl died." Tears, which had not been shed for many years, began to fall. Embarrassed, Lexy tried to brush them away.

"Don't."

Sam took her mate's hand and gently kissed the palm. "Let them fall." The room filled with quiet sobs and Sam held Lexy until the tremors subsided. Both women did not show their vulnerable sides often, and Sam felt good knowing that she was the one who was able to provide relief. "Do you want to go on?"

Lexy felt as if a large knot of grief had been released. She had worked hard through the years to put the anger, guilt, and shame behind her. Losing her brother had left her more alone than ever. She could still see him in her mind's eye. He would always be the shy, curious child who found delight in the simplest things. _He deserved better. So did she._

"I was much better at climbing. Dylan had many more scrapes and bumps and I often teased him." Lexy looked into Sam's eyes. "I wasn't trying to be cruel. I just knew that he would need to toughen up because there would always be a bully around to make fun of him. He wore glasses which made him even more of a target."

Lexy rolled to her side and Sam spooned behind her. She wasn't about to let her out of her arms.

"When we were ten, dad started staying away much longer and mum took in sewing to help pay the mounting bills. Gran lived here in Glasgow and would send money when she could but she had never wanted mum to run off to Australia in the first place. Dad and mum met in a local pub. He was a native Aussie and sweet-talked her into following him back. He could be a charmer when needed. Handsome bugger. Mum didn't see the mean side until later. After a while, he disappeared completely. Mum called the trucking company and was told that he had been let go weeks before. His temper and drinking had done him in once again."

Sam leaned and kissed Lexy's damp cheek. "Life can be bloody unfair."

"That's when mum started drinking. She would hide the vodka and gin in the kitchen cabinets and pretend that dad was coming back. I sometimes think she was trying to live a fairy tale her whole life. He was her Prince Charming and would return to rescue her. She continued with the sewing and found work as a waitress in a nearby pub. The waitressing job didn't last. She became more and more depressed; we had to go on the dole to make ends meet. By then, Dyl and I were often on our own but we knew how to take care of each other. I just didn't take care of him well enough … Dylan fell from the treehouse. At first, he seemed okay. I brushed him off and we went in the house. Mum was sober, fixing dinner. We didn't tell her about the accident. Dyl was quiet at the table and told mum he had a headache. By the next morning, we couldn't wake him for school. I cried and told mum what had happened. Emergency services came and took him to hospital. There was bleeding in his brain and he was in a coma. He never woke up." Lexy shivered and Sam wanted to rewrite history and take away all the pain.

"That was the beginning of the end. When Dyl died, something in mum broke." Lexy sighed, exhausted. "And I couldn't fix it."

_Omigod, she's been carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders._ Sam sat up and put Lexy's head on her lap. She continued stroking her hair and knew that words were mostly useless. Yet, she wanted to say something.

"I've got you. You're not alone any more."

Lexy felt safe, Sam's fingers reminding her of the breeze that used to ruffle her hair in the treehouse. She fell asleep thinking of a little boy's smile and warm summer days.


	16. Chapter 16

**Secrets, Part 2 Chapter 16**

Sam quietly reached for the mobile near the bed, not wanting to wake Lexy. She was humbled by the woman's tears and so grateful that Lexy was finally sharing more of herself. In fact, the more they were together, the more Sam found herself wanting to know all she could about the caring doctor.

Lexy had been her lifeline this past week, bringing her back from the pit of despair. She had let Sam lean on her and now it seemed only fair that Sam should return that favor. Sam knew, intuitively, that they were capable of hiding behind their defensive masks: both ever strong yet not daring to risk their deepest longing for connection. _Until now. _

Sam's trust had been shattered through betrayal and she realized that Lexy's own need for a loving family had been cruelly denied her. She carried the pain well. Now, though, Sam wanted to share that part of her. Lexy was fast becoming an important part of her life.

"DC Sanderson here."

Sam turned slightly and spoke in a low voice. "This is Murray. How are things going? I take it all was quiet through the night."

"Yes, ma'am. However, the owner of the farmhouse was lifting a pint at the local pub and word has it that a family celebration is taking place tonight. Many cars and "cousins" will be arriving. We think they're getting ready to hide the wolf amongst the sheep so to speak and spirit him off. Yet, we cannot be absolutely certain he's there at the moment and best to wait out our suspicions until the activity tonight. Warrants are now in hand for both properties but the rural estate is looking ripe."

"Maybe too ripe, eh?" _Something about this didn't feel right._ Could the party be a diversionary tactic to misdirect the main force away from the other target?

"I want armed-response teams at both locations tonight. Sanderson, you will be in charge of the larger effort at the farmhouse. I will lead a smaller contingent to the club in the city. Schedule the logistics briefing for both units at 13:00 hours." Sam glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand. "I plan to be in by then. Page me if anything new should arise."

* * *

"Time to play copper again?" A groggy voice came from Sam's lap. Lexy started to lift herself up but Sam grabbed her shoulders and gently forced her back down. She could not resist a quick kiss to her sleepy friend's forehead.

"Not to worry. We have all morning. You don't have shift at hospital, right?"

Lexy was finding Sam's TLC quite endearing. She reached up and lazily stroked the detective's firm jaw with her fingers, letting them come to rest on Sam's lips. Sam smiled and could not resist the temptation to nibble. Both women felt an undeniable current running through them. The slow burn soon gave rise to a more urgent desire. Lexy's eyes darkened as she replied, "I have no place to be … except your bed."

This time, the lovemaking was passionate and intense. Lexy seemed to relish the physical release now that she had begun an emotional release of her family story with Sam.

When the two lovers had settled comfortably into each other's arms again, Sam wondered if they could reclaim the honest conversation they had begun earlier that morning. She dared to push. "What happened after you lost your brother?"

"You really want to know, don't you?"

"I want to know whatever you want to tell me. No secrets, Lexy. I think you've been keeping too many secrets locked inside. I tend to do the same. You once said we're a pair." Sam was suddenly filled with a deep affection. "I am so glad to have you in my life."

The kiss was pure and chaste, the sincere pledge of two friends conveying their respect and devotion. Friends who would not keep secrets.

* * *

The morning passed as Lexy told more of her story. She had become quite good at taking care of not only herself but her damaged mum. The woman continued to live in a world of denial and grief, never recovering from the abandonment of her husband and death of her son. She became more and more reclusive, seeking the shelter of alcohol and drugs given for depression.

Lexy's one ray of hope in all this was her continued relationship with Miss Morris. The young schoolteacher became a role model and refused to give up on the girl. Lexy, at first, had managed to bury her own feelings of grief and loss and followed on as she did with Dylan. Besides parenting her mother, she went to school and kept up her grades. Miss Morris began to stop regularly and also seek Lexy out after school. On occasion, she would invite Lexy to her home for a well-cooked meal. She praised Lexy for her high marks and encouraged her to think about university when she was older. Miss Morris had a very close friend, another teacher, who would also come over to share a meal and tell Lexy to keep her grades in order. Lexy was now barely thirteen but she began to notice how the two women would touch each other, offering warm hugs and fond glances. It was so different to see two adults loving each other rather than shouting or hitting. It also was so different to see two women in such a demonstrative relationship. Lexy came to realize that Miss Morris and her friend were much more than friends. She also realized that this kind of friendship carried secrets of its own. Her world crumbled around her again when the two women had to leave the local school district and went to Sydney. Miss Morris promised to write and made Lexy promise to attend her classes, be kind to her mum, find new friends now that she was entering the upper grade levels. Instead, the loneliness descended once again. There really was nothing to look forward to. They were forced to give up the house because of her mum's sporadic earnings and modest welfare allotment, leading to a nomadic existence of rundown flats and various school districts. By the time she was sixteen, Lexy had given up on the idea of a uni education and fallen prey to the temptations of the neighborhood. Alcohol and fast shags in the backseats of cars proved more exciting than staying home with a melancholy parent who barely acknowledged her existence.

And then, her worst nightmare became reality. She became pregnant. The crowd she traveled with all shared partners so she wasn't even sure which boy was the father. Having sex with a guy was just expected even if she didn't particularly enjoy it. In fact, she found herself faking it most of the time, letting her mind wander to some distant land where beautiful young women like Miss Morris held her gently and affectionately. It was then that she knew she was different. She had to get away from the street, find something or someone better. She would not let herself become a victim, like her mother. She knew, in her heart, that she was capable of so much more.

Her first priority was to eliminate the pregnancy. She could not, in good faith, bring a new life into her world. She had nothing to offer and no one to support her. She was torn with this decision but felt it was the right one. Finding someone to provide this service was not hard. A few well placed questions in the school hallways got her a name and location. She took the money she had earned from her occasional after-school jobs and made an appointment. He was younger than she expected. The flat was dark and unwelcoming. There was an odd smell lingering in the air. He led her to a back room and made sure that he had collected his payment before completing the procedure. She left the flat on wobbly legs; her empty womb throbbing with her every step. When she arrived home, she went to her room and lay across her bed, realizing the enormity of what she had done. She thought she would never feel as bereft as she had when losing Dylan. But now she felt as if she had lost her very soul. She cried then. She wept for her brother, her parents, and a shattered life that caused her to make such wrenching decisions. Then she slept.

* * *

Sam did not know how much more she could bear to hear. It was as if she were living Lexy's pain. _How did this special woman survive such a tragic past?_

Arms held her tightly. Lexy gazed at Sam and saw the tears glistening in her eyes. "Oh, Sam. Don't cry for me. I learned how to carry on. This was probably the lowest time of my life but it led me to a place of hope."


	17. Chapter 17

**Dear readers, I've left you in such a dark place. So, even though I have more to write, I wanted to give you this very short, very sweet chapter which should lift your spirits. Enjoy! And, please, do provide reviews. My Muse and I need the motivation. Peace, CG**

**Healing Chapter 17**

Lexy felt strangely calm as she continued telling Sam her story, a story which she had kept hidden for many years. Now, with Sam's strong arms around her, the burden of her guilt and grief was being laid to rest. She didn't find condemnation in Sam's eyes; she found compassion and the glimmer of an intimacy that went far beyond their physical attachment.

Sam did not intrude on the story. She allowed Lexy to choose her pace. At first, the doctor seemed reluctant to even go beyond the painful retelling of Dylan's death and her parents' abuse. However, as the tears ebbed and flowed, she found that she wanted to tell Sam all about those desolate years. Sam was right. _No secrets._ In just a few short days, they had begun building a relationship which held such promise. She knew Sam had her own issues to sort and was still afraid of commitment. Yet, something was drawing them ever closer.

Lexy had passed the point of no return. Her initial attraction and infatuation with the sexy detective was turning into love. She remembered the one woman in her life who had invoked such feelings and realized that, even then, what she thought was love was pale beyond comparison to what she was feeling for Sam. _Oh, yes, you're for keeps. But I can't say that to you just yet and scare you away._

"You know what it's like to hit bottom. Don't you, Sam?"

Sam squeezed her hand and nodded. "You saw me there a few nights ago."

"I didn't tell anyone about the baby, especially mum. I thought my secret would be safe, but the procedure was done by a bloody butcher. It was a weekend so I could be in my room without too much suspicion but I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop the heavy bleeding. I barely got up for the toilet and to fix mum her cuppa and breccie. I told her I'd be catching up on schoolwork and went back to bed. By nightfall, the throbbing had turned into a sharp pain and I curled up in a fetal position, praying that all would be better in the morning. By Sunday, my groans had brought mum into my room. I was burning up with fever. The bed clothes were stained bright red. Mum let out a gasp and stood back. She was sober and shocked at what was happening. Strangely, she did not yell. She sat on the side of the bed, felt my forehead, and asked what I had done. She already knew. Mothers know. Unfortunately, I was mostly out of my head with pain and fever and not too coherent. She drew back the bed covers and paled but remained calm. I still remember that, even through the hazy mist of memories. She was frightened for me. I could see it in her face. She wrapped me with another blanket and placed a cool cloth on my forehead. And then she called emergency services."

Lexy sat up and motioned to Sam. She needed to stretch her body, let out some of the tension that was starting to build again. "Let's go sit in the lounge. We've been at this all morning and I know you have to go to the nick soon."

They both rose, quietly took care of their morning's needs, and moved into the lounge. Sam put the kettle on and brought Lexy a cup of hot, sweet tea. She then sat, cross-legged, across from Lexy on the sofa. She wanted to give her space but keep looking into her face. _Her lovely, stricken face. _

Lexy drained the tea and set her cup down. She took a deep breath and met Sam's eyes. "The abortion had become septic."

Sam winced, straightened her legs, and pulled Lexy's legs up onto her lap. She began massaging her feet. Lexy welcomed the comforting touch which seemed so natural, so right.

"I was in hospital for ten days, critical care most of that time. An emergency D&C managed to control the hemorrhaging but I still needed to be transfused. And then my body fought the infection and finally overcame the sepsis after massive doses of antibiotics."

"So, doctor, you do know what it's like to be the patient." Sam's voice was quiet, reflective. She was in total admiration of this incredible woman. And she began to suspect that this battle with death had, indeed, become a turning point for Lexy.

Lexy's eyes were moist again but she did not cry. "The doctors and nurses were unbelievably kind, caring. The most surprising thing, though, was that my mum came each and every day. I would awaken and find her sat by my bed, sometimes sleeping herself. I did not smell alcohol on her breath. For the first time in many years, she had become my mother once again. When I was released, I was still very weak. I came home to find the flat clean, well tended. Mum had even bought a new duvet and fresh linen sheets for my bed. She had notified the school that I had been in hospital for a severe "blood infection". All was under control. I spent another two weeks at home. Mum waited on me. We seemed shy with each other at first. But soon we were having girly chats and sharing a laugh or too. When I was strong enough and she was out for groceries, I searched the flat but there was no liquor to be found. Sam, I nearly died but I got my mum back! The years of drink and medications had taken their toll though. She was just a shell of the woman she had been when she married my dad."

"I'm so lucky, Lex. I just take my parents for granted. They've always been there for me. And dad, of course, was so chuffed that I chose the service and worked up to sergeant like him. I guess I'm the son he's never had but I don't think of it that way. We've always been close."

Lexy looked at her friend. "I could tell. The day I met you and your dad on the bridge, I could see the connection. He's so proud of you."

It was a bittersweet moment. Sam could see the wistfulness on Lexy's face. She wished that Lexy could have had that kind of encouragement and love. Considering all that was taken from her, it was awe-inspiring that she became such a strong, vital woman.

"How did you do it?"

Lexy looked confused. "Do what?"

"Become such a self-determined, feisty …"

"Twit?"

Sam laughed out loud, and the morning's tension dissolved. "Come here, amazing woman." Sam opened her arms and Lexy moved across the sofa into the warm embrace.

_Homecoming._


	18. Chapter 18

**Crossroads Chapter 18**

Sam did not want to leave Lexy in such a vulnerable state of mind. She had shared so much of her early life and Sam knew that there was still more to be told. How did she and her mum carry on? Who was there in the community to support them? How did Lexy find her way to uni and a medical degree? Everything she heard this morning had only deepened her admiration, affection, and curiosity.

Sam knew it took courage to reveal such private and personal pain. However, the afternoon briefing demanded that she move and get on with her day at the station. Lexy practically pushed her into the bedroom to dress whilst she prepared some cucumber and cream-cheese sarnies for them. They sat across from each other, lost in their own thoughts as they ate.

"I know this hasn't been easy but thank you for opening up to me like that." Sam reached out and took hold of Lexy's hand. She knew that whatever she said would not be enough to convey how touched she was by Lexy's trust in her. In many ways, it was a gift. It made Sam feel appreciated again. She had lost so much of herself with Cat's betrayal. Now, Lexy was slowly bringing her back to life. _Yes, she owed Lexy a great deal. _

Sam had always valued loyalty in her relationships. She would walk the extra mile for this beautiful woman, offer whatever comfort she could whenever Lex wanted to share more of her story.

"I didn't mean to spend the morning wallowing in my past." Lexy was much more in control now, her intelligent eyes alert and tear free. She was embarrassed that she had so totally lost it and, yet, she welcomed Sam's genuine interest and concern. In fact, she was feeling like a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. It was freeing to share herself with Sam. Maybe the old adage was true. _Confession is good for the soul._

Their fingers entwined and Sam spoke first. "I want you in my life, Lexy. I want to know all about you – the good, the bad …"

"Sam, if you say 'the ugly', I'll think we're in a bloody Clint Eastwood movie!"

They both laughed and stood to hug each other. Sam picked up her briefcase, walked to the door, stopping for a moment to find something in a cabinet drawer. Lexy was right behind her, waiting to give her a farewell kiss. Sam turned and their lips met. The kiss was slow and deep, their tongues flicking teasingly. Neither woman wanted to end the moment but duty called. Sam reluctantly pushed away and pressed something cold and hard into Lexy's hand. Lexy looked down and seemed surprised.

"My spare key. This time you can lock up the flat when you leave. I want you to keep it." Sam winked, stole another kiss, and was gone.

Lexy was over the moon. _One small step, one giant leap for the future._

* * *

"Sod it!" Tess stepped back from the overflowing toilet and desperately looked for a plunger. She was almost certain that the neighbor's child had managed, once again, to stuff something atrocious down the loo and block the common line. Here she was, showered and perfumed, almost ready to go to the theatre, and facing a plumbing disaster.

"Lexy! I need your help!"

Lexy ran from her bedroom and stepped right into an inch of water on the bathroom floor whilst Tess was down on her knees trying to lay bath towels to absorb the overflow. She looked up and squealed, "I can't find the plunger. I'm going to call Supernanny to take care of the little bugger once and for all!" She pointed threateningly at the ceiling.

Lexy straddled the loo, reached down and found the emergency turn-off valve. As she stepped back, her foot caught on the crumpled towel and she slipped backwards, landing on her bottom.

"Ouch." Both women looked at each other and couldn't contain the giggles.

"Thank god, we haven't dressed for the show." Their robes and towels would require a thorough laundering after the landlord sent the plumber to check out the two flats. Tess was more than upset because this was the first afternoon that she and Lexy had gotten to relax together and it was going swimmingly. _Well, maybe 'swimmingly' was not the proper term considering their present state._

"Shite happens." Lexy rose carefully and went to get a bucket and mop whilst Tess left a voicemail to their landlord. She gave him permission to allow the plumbing service to access the flat, knowing that she and Lexy would be gone the rest of the day.

The friends quickly changed and stopped at a local pub on their way to the theatre. Lexy made a face as she sat on the bar stool.

"Sore bum?" Tess was feeling responsible although she realized that Lexy's quick thinking had saved the day.

"Nothing that an A&E doctor can't handle. Luckily, I have the required padding to absorb most of the impact."

"You have a lovely ass." The candid remark shocked them both. Tess's cheeks turned red. "I mean, you don't have to worry about extra weight … on your arse. Or anywhere, really. You always look fit."

Lexy could barely contain herself. _Tess at her best. Foot in mouth. Tongue in cheek._ Her spontaneity was delightful.

"I should stop, shouldn't I?"

Lexy reached over and touched her mate's arm. "I love that about you. Don't change, ever. You are refreshingly honest."

The bartender brought them two glasses of wine. Tess watched Lexy as she sipped the pinot and decided to continue the honest talk that her friend so admired.

"You and Sam have been getting on, haven't you? I can see it in your face. Life is good."

Lexy sighed. "We don't have to go there, Tess. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I have already."

"Life's been looking up for me, too, this past week. The show has been selling out and even Nora has managed to stand back and let me bask in my 'fifteen minutes of fame'. I've missed you at the flat but I'm actually happy for you. You and Sam. I think you both deserve a chance."

Lexy was moved by her friend's grace under pressure. "That means a lot, more than you know. Sam felt a bit odd about coming to the show and, besides, she is working on a case that is going to take up most of her weekend. But she sends her best wishes. We don't want to lose your friendship, Tess."

Tess smiled and knew that she would always want Lexy and Sam in her life, too.

* * *

Lexy enjoyed every minute of Tess's performance. She was so proud as the actress bowed for two standing ovations, looking remarkably humble and startled by the sustained applause.

Whilst they were having cocktails afterwards, Lexy caught sight of a familiar face near the bar. "Tess, I think you have an admirer."

Tess frowned and looked around. "Wha?"

"There, at the bar. Isn't that DC Gordon?"

Just as Tess turned her attention to the well-dressed woman stirring her cocktail, she twisted around and their eyes met. Long red tresses caressed a pretty face and cascaded down the back of a tight dark-green sheath which hugged the woman's curves. No glasses.

_Thank god for contacts_. Blair Gordon saw the star across the room and waved lightly. Tess smiled back at her and motioned her over to the table.

There was no need for introductions. Both Tess and Lexy had already given their statements to the detective. Lexy, however, recalled that DC Gordon did ask several rather intriguing questions about Tess and her lifestyle. She had probably told her about Tess acting in _Uncle Vanya_ during that interview.

"You gave a sterling performance tonight, Ms. Roberts. I love live theatre and this was outstanding." Blair looked very cosmopolitan, standing there with her mixed drink in hand. Her emerald-green eyes were even more vivid without the wire-rimmed glasses.

"Please, call me Tess. And, please, sit down." _Life was, indeed, looking better by the minute._

Lexy decided that this was a perfect opportunity to take her leave, reminding Tess that she would see her back at the flat later in the evening. As she walked home, she reached into her purse and found the key which Sam had entrusted to her earlier. She was tempted to go to Sam's flat but knew that the officer would probably be spending the next twenty-four hours at the station and various stakeouts they had planned. Lexy was also on shift tomorrow morning at the hospital so it made more sense to spend the night in her own bedroom. Besides, she was very curious about the attractive young detective who seemed quite taken with Tess. She found herself wanting Sadie to give herself in so Tess and Blair Gordon could possibly explore the undeniable chemistry she sensed tonight at the theatre.

She arrived at the flat to find the plumbing working. Stripping her clothes, she mopped the floor a final time and took a soothing shower. She wondered what Sam would think of her, mopping in the nude. A bit cheeky, but Sam loved that part of her. _Loved? Was that too optimistic?_ She lay on the sofa in the lounge, waiting for Tess to come home and share her encounter with DC Gordon.

They were all in need of second chances.

* * *

Sam stood and stretched. She had been cramped in the van for the past two hours, watching the rear alley of the club and the small amount of activity taking place under its poorly lit back exit. She could not shake her gut feeling that McFeddin was on the premises, biding his time for an assigned pick-up. Sanderson was able and ready at the farmhouse with an ARV team, carefully monitoring the so-called family party. Until now, nothing seemed amiss.

It was Sam's call to initiate the raids at both sites and they were going in fast and furious. The warrants were in place. Tonight she wanted to smoke that bastard out of his hiding spot. It was almost midnight and no suspicious vehicles had yet been spotted by either team. Both locations would require front and back penetration with the authorized armed-force officers following Sam and Sanderson into the buildings. Sam's team had an advantage because undercover officers had previously been inside and were able to provide diagrams of the club's two floors. It was a 'gentleman's club' which meant that the upper floor was a warren of private rooms where the 'gents and ladies' could entertain themselves whilst the rest of the crowd watched the pole dancing and strippers on the floor below. Sam would advance up the back stairwell and begin searching each and every room with her AFOs at the same time that another unit would enter from the front.

At midnight, Sam decided to stop waiting for a getaway vehicle, adjusted her stab vest, keyed her radio, and gave the signal. The officers at both sites invaded quickly and methodically.

Screams, chaos and confusion reigned in the nightclub. Sam and her team double-stepped up the back stairwell, securing the landing and forcibly opening each and every door. Men and women, in various stages of undress, were rounded up and marched to the front steps. There were angry shouts and curses as the group were led down into the main holding area. By now, house lights had been turned on and the blaring DJ music turned off. The large room was smoke-filled and harshly lit. Bartenders and bouncers were contained behind the bar whilst the rest of the crowd were told to face the walls, hands up against the paneling, legs spread apart. Sam stood in the center, surveying the scene. Her team was just beginning to pat down each suspect and, already, bags of contraband were starting to be found. Another drug den eliminated. Sam smirked as she continued walking behind the lineup.

_Hiding in plain sight_. She knew McFeddin and his bravado. He would think himself untouchable. _He was in this room._ She could feel it, and remembered Lexy's words. _Your instincts are good._

The blond buzz cut and goatee caught her attention. McFeddin had dark, shaggy hair and was clean shaven. Sam walked up to the tall lean figure and spun him around. Their eyes locked. She looked into a black void, pure evil.

"Bitch!" He leaped at her before fellow officers could respond. The culprit and the cop slammed to the floor, Sam's head cracking solidly behind her. She saw a glint of metal before he plunged the hidden knife into her thigh. A searing, white-hot pain ran up her leg. As McFeddin raised the blade once more, gunfire erupted and he was thrown back against the bar.

Sam tried to raise her head but was quickly surrounded by concerned colleagues, holding her in place and assessing her injuries.

"Christ, she's bleeding out. Get the medics!"

She wanted to say something but her thoughts were slowing. She felt strangely detached from the worried faces peering down at her. As her sight and hearing faded, one last image remained. _Lexy_.

By now, the call every police officer dreaded had gone out.

"Officer down!"


	19. Chapter 19

**Dear friends, bear in mind that I do not have a medical background so online research has helped me develop this chapter. Once again, I will be on the road without my trusty computer for the upcoming week but I leave Sam in Lexy's care and wish you all a good night. Some new reviews while I'm gone will definitely be appreciated. Do you like where I'm going with this story? Peace, CG**

**Dedication Chapter 19**

Lexy smiled to herself as she thought about the late-night gabfest with Tess. It was so good to see the excitement in her mate's eyes as she went on and on about the petite redhead. The couple had stayed for another round of drinks before leaving the theatre and then found their way to a pub for a final nightcap. Tess was definitely interested in seeing Blair Gordon again. Staying up late to hear her friend's enthusiastic report was well worth it even if it played havoc with her early-morning shift at hospital. Lexy barely made it to her locker on time and was stifling a yawn as Declan walked in. Their working relationship had become stilted since that awkward conversation about Sam. They spoke when necessary but the banter had ceased. Lexy did not feel the need to apologize nor share her personal life. This past week with Sam had been all she hoped for, even more.

Declan was just coming off night shift. He looked haggard and stared at her before clearing his throat. Her sleepiness vanished, replaced by a sudden trepidation.

"Lexy, have you listened to morning radio?"

_What was all this about? _ Declan drew closer as she shook her head. "I overslept and just arrived, hardly time to catch a cuppa."

"We had a police emergency. Officer brought in with a knife wound." He paused. "It was Sam."

Lexy found herself sinking to the bench beside her, stunned. Her pained expression told Declan all he needed to know. He sat next to her and placed his hand on her arm.

"She arrested once, hypovolemic shock - probable transection of femoral artery, right thigh. When we got her stabilized, surgical unit took her."

Lexy rose on shaking legs and moved to the doorway. Her mind was racing and she knew where she wanted to be. _Sod the shift!_

"Can you cover for me?"

Declan nodded. "Go!"

She would have taken the stairs but did not trust her legs to carry her that far. Once the elevator doors opened, she took a deep breath and pushed the fifth floor for Surgery/Critical Care. She willed herself to stay calm. Sam needed her. She would try to stay in control. There would be time enough later to deal with her own emotions.

When Lexy arrived on the surgical floor, she was surprised by the large number of uniformed and non-uniformed officers standing about. All looked somber. One man, with an arm in a sling, seemed especially concerned as he questioned one of the nurses behind the reception desk. This was the general waiting area for surgical patients, with an adjacent room for immediate family. Post-operative care then branched out from that point.

Already in her blue scrubs, Lexy had no problem navigating beyond the congestion and reaching the more private nursing area at Post-Op. She recognized the nurse at the desk. _Calm, stay calm_.

"Nurse Jacobs, can you give me an update on DS Sam Murray? Is she still in surgery?" _Damn, her voice wavered._

The young nurse checked the multiple charts and replied, "She's still in with Jennings and Desai."

Doctors Jennings and Desai were two of their best vascular surgeons. Sam was in good hands. However, it was already past seven and the length of the surgery was worrisome.

"Any word?"

"Not really. She was listed critical when she went in." The nurse looked at Lexy, curious.

"She's a close mate … my friend." _My lover._

There wasn't much to be done until the surgery ended and Sam was brought to post-op recovery. Pacing the floor here would not make the outcome any easier to bear. She decided to return to A&E and see if she could work out a reasonable arrangement with Declan and other colleagues to cover the rest of her shift today and tomorrow.

"Please, if you hear anything at all, page or ring me. Anything." She gave Nurse Jacobs her numbers and started walking back. As she reached the elevators, a harried man and woman emerged. The woman's eyes were frantic and red from crying. She recognized the man at once.

"Mr. Murray, do you remember me?" The older man hesitated until a glimmer of recognition appeared.

"You're Sam's running mate, right?"

"Yes, yes I am." She could see the shape they were in and led them to the smaller waiting room. Several police officers came up to shake Officer Murray's hand. Although retired, he still had friends in the service. The man with the sling came forward and introduced himself. "I'm DS Ryder, Sam's partner." He had a faraway look in his eyes. "I wasn't there last night but was told that she handled herself well. In fact, she was the one who brought the scum down."

Lexy watched as Sam's dad straightened and said, "Then justice was served." She wanted to scream, "But at what price to Sam?" Instead, she turned her attention to Sam's mum who was sitting and dabbing at her eyes. Lexy could relate to her state of mind. She remembered her own mother hovering at her bedside.

"Mrs. Murray, Sam is still in surgery. No word yet. Can I get you anything?"

The woman looked up at Lexy as if seeing her for the first time. _Confusion. Fear. Desolation._ No one wants to be informed that a loved one is in surgery, fighting for survival. "I, no, I don't want anything." Her voice broke. "I just want to see my daughter."

Lexy patted her shoulder and tried to offer hope. She was glad that she had her scrubs on as it seemed to make her words more believable. "Soon, I'm sure. The doctors in the operating suite are two of our best surgeons. Sam is being well tended."

George Murray sat down next to his wife and held her hand. He looked at Lexy and seemed to be formulating a thought. "I didn't realize you were a doctor. Are you part of Sam's medical team?"

"No, I just heard the news when I came in for shift this morning and came up to find out her condition."

"We've only been told that she had been stabbed and is in critical condition. I'm glad to see so many of her mates here. Ryder seems like an ace chap. I know Sam felt bad when he was injured on duty just a couple weeks ago."

Mrs. Murray started to sob. "First, Cat. Then, her partner. And now, Sam. Will it ever end?"

There were no suitable words of comfort. Lexy gently pressed her arm. "Please excuse me. I have to return to A&E and make coverage arrangements for my shifts. I'll be back soon."

Lexy left them alone in their grief and headed to the elevators. It took about a half hour for her to locate both Declan and another colleague who would spot her for the next couple days. She submitted the necessary paperwork and stepped into the ladies' room. Leaning back against the tiled wall, she closed her eyes. Her shoulders shook and stinging tears began to fall. She fumbled for the mobile in her pocket and rang up the one person who would understand just how deeply she was hurting.

"Tess? There's been an incident. Sam's in surgery."

"Yes, yes, it would be good to have you here."

Two more hours passed. Both Tess and Ed had arrived and brought coffee. They stayed in the general waiting area with the officers whilst Lexy continued to check on Sam's parents and the post-op station. Just having her friends nearby provided enough support to keep Lexy going.

Finally, Dr. Jennings walked into the family waiting room, his drawn face revealing the scope and challenge of his night's labor. He acknowledged Lexy with a slight nod but, before he could address Sam's parents, DS Ryder stepped in.

George Murray spoke up. "It's alright. DS Ryder should be here. He's my daughter's partner."

The doctor motioned to a small table in the back of the room. After they all settled in, he proceeded to tell them Sam's diagnosis and prognosis.

"She's a fighter, isn't she?"

Ryder smiled and shook his head. Sam's dad proudly added, "stubborn as they come."

Lexy silently prayed. _Keep fighting, Sam._

"The wound was a deep penetration of her right thigh. The knife had partially severed her femoral artery and she lost a good deal of blood. After stabbing her," the doctor seemed to be looking for the politically correct word, "the _offender_ withdrew the blade in a rather jagged fashion causing more injury to the surrounding nerves, tendons and muscles. Once we managed to control the hemorrhaging, we were able to further explore the damage. The neural damage was moderately severe. We were able to visibly identify the lacerated nerve endings and made primary repair."

Jennings looked directly at Lexy. "There seems to be some axonal involvement. We will monitor her carefully and know in about three days' time if this is a Level II lesion." Lexy understood the grim implications.

The surgeon turned back to the parents. "At this point in time, your daughter has come through the surgery in guarded but serious condition. We've already run extensive diagnostics such as CTs and MRIs to rule out any hidden head injury other than a concussion. We will be administering more pain control after she is conscious and able to communicate with us. The peripheral nerve damage to her leg will be our first concern in the days ahead. When nerves are damaged, recovery varies as to the extent and duration of the specific injury. I will be able to make a more definitive prognosis in several more days. She most likely has sustained some sensory-motor impairment."

George Murray implored, "Doctor?" Lexy knew what was coming.

"Your daughter's right leg may be paralyzed. However, if this is a Level II injury as I suspect, she should be able to recover function and mobility in that limb."

"Oh, God!" Mrs. Murray cried as the doctor stood to leave.

His kindness revealed itself as he looked at all of them. "Remember, she is a fighter. I am waging that she will fight her way back from this. I'll have the nurse come for you once they have her settled in the post-op ward."

Lexy shared the news with Tess and Ed whilst Ryder did the same with his colleagues. On one hand, Sam was alive. On the other hand, she had a long road ahead of her. The floor emptied but Lexy stayed with the Murrays until a nurse arrived to walk them back to see Sam.

Sam, who always seemed so strong and vibrant, was now dwarfed by the myriad machines, monitors, IV lines and catheters keeping her alive. Lexy was relieved to see that there was no need for intubation, one hopeful sign. Instead, there was an oxygen mask covering her pale face.

Lexy left Mr. and Mrs. Murray alone with their daughter. Once they left, she came back in and stood next to the bed. Her eyes shimmered as she leaned down to place a gentle kiss on the detective's forehead. She brought a chair near the bed, and settled in for as long as it would take. This was her watch.

"Sleep well. I'll be here when you need me. Always."


	20. Chapter 20

**Wow, you guys are really into this story. I've just returned from my trip and am actually fighting an upper-respiratory infection so need some doctoring of my own. However, I was able to type this out today - a very short but pivotal chapter. Declan actually rises to the occasion. On another more distressing note, it looks like Lip Service will not be re-commissioned for a third season. Check Heather Peace on Twitter as she has re-tweeted the site where you can petition for the series. I guess it's up to me to keep Sam and Lexy together, eh?**

**Trauma Chapter 20**

It was nearly midnight when Declan Love signed off duty in A&E. He had spent the day covering for his colleague, Lexy Price, while she continued her vigil at the bedside of DS Sam Murray. Another colleague had agreed to take Lex's next shift so Declan was finally free to go. Before leaving, however, he stopped by the surgical ward to see how the injured cop was doing. She was now in post-op recovery, and probably soon to be transferred to a high-dependency unit.

Declan still remembered the battle he waged to resuscitate the gravely wounded officer when she arrested in A&E. The stab wound would have been mortal if they had not been able to control the arterial bleeding as quickly as they did. Having seen the injury, Declan knew that she most likely had sustained peripheral nerve damage. Torn tendons and muscles always posed a particular challenge to surgeons as they sought to repair and reconnect the body's intricate neural pathways. Examining the patient's chart, he was relieved to see that both Doctors Jennings and Desai had attended the surgery. Two of the best. From the notes, it seemed that the surgeons were able to repair the laceration of the femoral nerve in Sam's thigh. This kind of nerve injury from a stab wound was not common but immediate primary repair pointed to a more hopeful prognosis. Declan shook his head. Sam would not be running any marathons in the near future.

Now, to find Lexy. The nurse pointed him to an adjoining room. He entered quietly and saw his friend sitting next to the bed. Her slumped shoulders told him that she was probably beyond exhaustion at this point.

"Lexy?" The tap on her shoulder startled the weary doctor. She turned to look back at her concerned colleague.

Declan nodded toward the patient. "How is she doing?"

Lexy sighed. "She's holding her own."

Even with the minimal lighting in the room, Declan could see the dark circles under Lexy's eyes, the wan expression on her face. "How are you doing?"

Lexy turned back to Sam and stroked her arm, one of the few places which was accessible beyond the many lines, tubes, and monitors. In a rare show of comfort, Declan placed his hands on her shoulders and waited for her to respond.

"I'm still in shock." With her free hand, Lexy grasped Declan's hand on her shoulder. "I want this to be a bad dream."

Declan squeezed her shoulders and realized just how fond he was of this woman. She could tease him mercilessly and call him on his arrogance. Yet, she always conveyed a sense of respect when they were working closely together in an emergency. He was lucky to have her in his life. He could see now how much she was invested in the wounded detective. He wanted her to move beyond Sam but now, at her bedside, Sam was someone he could not discount. These two were already connected, for better or worse. Lexy was probably right. She knew what she wanted.

"I read the chart. Looks like Jennings and Desai did an ace job. The rest is up to Sam. She can beat this, Lex, especially with you in her corner."

"She's going to drive me bonkers. Sam can't sit still for long. I picture her ripping her sutures as she tries to jump out of bed once the drugs wear off."

They were both quiet. Declan was the first to speak. "You know that may not be possible, right?"

"Wishful thinking on my part. I know that there may be some paralysis involved. I'm hoping that Jennings and Desai did their job so well that the damaged nerves will regenerate. Her career means so much. Sam will never be satisfied with desk duty. It just isn't Sam."

Declan looked at his watch. "Listen, it's well after midnight. I don't think she'll be waking any time soon. Won't Jennings wean her from the drugs in the morning? You have time to catch a few hours of sleep in the break room. She'll need you here when she's coming out of it."

Lexy rose from her chair, leaned over her lover and kissed Sam's cool forehead. She looked at Declan. "I like the new you. Thanks for tonight … for taking care of me."

Although she was reluctant to leave, Declan's words made sense. She would be no good to Sam if she didn't monitor herself. A few hours' sleep would refresh her enough to deal with the day ahead, a day which would demand all the energy she had to give.

Whatever Sam's condition, Lexy would be at her side.

The two doctors left the surgical floor. Lexy had left strict notice with the night nurse to alert her to any change in the patient and to call her at once if Sam appeared to be waking up. She knew, though, that Declan was right. Tomorrow morning would be the moment of truth. Sam would awaken to a new day and, probably, to one of the biggest challenges of her life.


	21. Chapter 21

**Wake Up Call Chapter 21**

Lexy had returned as Dr. Desai was making an early-morning round and reducing the IV medications in order to arouse Sam. He was a short, serious man. Dark brows arched as he wrote in the detective's chart. Sam was running a low-grade fever which was to be expected but the compressed dressings on her leg had to be changed carefully and watched for signs of infection. Because the surgeons were able to operate within hours of the stabbing, they managed to clean, debride, and repair damaged muscle in addition to the torn femoral artery and nerve. They then closed the wound with multiple sutures. Sam would have a lengthy scar on her thigh but Lexy was impressed with the surgeons' handiwork. Dr. Desai did not question her presence in the room as she was still in her scrubs and the care-unit nurses knew that she was Sam's mate and would be checking in regularly. He left Lexy and the attending nurse to administer to the patient as she awakened and would return later in the day to conduct a neural examination with his colleague.

Lexy moved closer to the bed and was relieved to see that Sam's ashen color had improved, her face actually a bit flushed from the fever and warmer to the touch than the day before. The initial shock of the trauma was passing and Sam seemed to be returning to homeostasis. Her oxygen saturation levels had also improved.

Nurse Jacobs went to remove the facial mask but Lexy gently grabbed her wrist. "Let me, please." The nurse could see beyond the professionalism and knew that these two women obviously meant a lot more to each other than merely friendship. She had previously worked in A&E with the young doctor and admired her from afar. She wanted to give Lexy some measure of privacy and control over this difficult situation.

"Why don't I leave you two alone? Ring for me once she's awake and you have her settled." Lexy nodded her appreciation as the nurse slipped out of the room.

Sam could hear voices but the words seemed garbled. She felt as if she were floating … her mind drifting apart from her body. Disconnected thoughts tried to make themselves known but melted away into the nearby voices before she could grasp them.

There was something she had to do … open her eyes. _Yes, open her eyes. _She tried but her lids were heavy, oh so heavy. Tired. Very tired. _Why was she so tired?_

The many voices turned into one, very close. She knew that voice.

"Sam? Can you hear me?"

She felt fingers grazing her face, something being drawn away causing her to draw a deep breath and cough.

The voice was back. "That's good. Breathe slowly. Try to open your eyes."

_Breathe slowly … Lexy! _ Recognition helped her to focus. Her eyelids twitched and, finally, she was able to open them, finding a very blurry but smiling lover peering into her face. She could feel Lexy's warm breath caressing her.

"I knew you were in there!"

"What … where?" Her voice was raspy, her throat scratchy and dry. She coughed again.

A hand reached under her head, raised her to take a straw to her lips. "Sips, just small sips." The cool water was so refreshing that she tried to take a larger gulp but the cup was pulled away.

Lexy's voice seemed amused. "Are you going to behave?"

Sam's confused look told her that she needed to reassure her patient. "You're in hospital. You've had surgery."

Sam's head started to pound. Scattered thoughts tried to knit together. But her thirst still demanded attention and she stared at the cup in Lexy's hand, pleading. Once again, her lover gently held the straw to her lips, reminding her to sip slowly.

Sam closed her eyes, exhausted from the minimal encounter. She still could not remember just what had happened to cause her waking up in this sterile hospital room. _Where was I? What was I doing?_

The blood-pressure monitor beeped and Lexy realized that Sam was getting stressed. Nurse Jacobs peeked in, having seen the readouts from her main station. She was about to come back to give the patient a sponge bath.

"It's okay. She's conscious and re-orienting herself." Sam's eyes stayed closed but her vital signs were returning to normal.

Lexy looked at the basin, towels, and fresh gown the nurse was carrying. The nurse put the items on a small table near the bed. "Her dressing will need to be changed, too … and the catheter." Once again, she deferred to the doctor.

Lexy knew that she could not assume full care for Sam but during these first precious hours, she wanted to do all she could to provide relief and comfort. The nurse smiled at their hidden consensus and left the room.

Sam drifted in and out. She heard that voice again. Her lover's voice, speaking to her in hushed tones. It was good to just lie there, not trying too hard to remember … _Remember what?_ A warm cloth moved across her face, rubbing gently, trailing down her neck.

"Sam? I'm going to change your gown. Can you lift your shoulders as I turn you slightly?" Those skilled hands pulled her forward and released the tie at the back of her gown, gathering the material and slowly stripping it away from her back and arms. More warm water followed. She could feel the calming pressure as a wet sponge was drawn across her back, down her arms and across her chest. Lexy held her upright as she reached for a towel and dried her. Sam opened her glazed eyes and stared into her lover's face. Lexy kissed her forehead.

"I can't have people thinking you're a dirty cop."

Sam tried to smile but even that required much more effort than she had at the moment. "Sorry, can't seem to stay awake …" Again, she drifted.

Lexy had gotten the new gown in place, gave Sam a brief hug, and laid her back onto the bed. Now, for the difficult part. She rolled the gown up past Sam's legs, revealing the toned figure that always caused her heart to beat a bit faster. Sam's body was bruised and battered – her shapely leg marred by some bad-ass gangster who couldn't care less about innocent victims. Sod it! She so wished Sam had been a lawyer or a teacher, not someone who put her life on the line every time she answered a call. But then, Sam wouldn't be Sam. _The Sam she loved._ She could no longer deny it. And the pain she felt as she carefully bathed her lover's long legs and uncovered her horrid wound caused her to shudder. A small sob escaped as she held back the tears. _Let the bastard rot in hell!_

"Lexy?"

She glanced up, brushed at her eyes, and just shook her head. "Nothing. When you're a bit stronger, I'll tell you more. Go back to sleep, Sam. You need to rest. You have an injury to your leg and I'm going to tend it and change your catheter which, I'm afraid, is necessary for now."

_I've been hurt. God, she seems so upset. Her hands feel so good … _Once again, Sam drifted back to a semi-conscious state.

Lexy quickly and competently applied the new bandages, then gently removed and reinserted a fresh catheter, recording the necessary data in the clinical chart. It was so hard to view Sam's body in such a detached way. She knew her lover well. She had memorized the planes and valleys of Sam's body during their most intimate moments. She knew how to make her lover respond to her touch, and just where to touch to evoke those delicious sighs and moans. Now, those passionate moments had been ripped away. Sam would most likely have lost feeling in her leg, possibly in the surrounding area. Lexy prayed that she would heal, that they could recover what they may have lost through a sudden act of violence. She ran her hand tenderly across Sam's taut stomach and over her uninjured leg before drawing the gown down and covering her with a sheet.

All the monitors were showing normal signs of activity and Sam seemed to be resting comfortably. They would have to reintroduce the pain meds soon. Sam was in that twilight zone of peaceful ignorance that many patients seemed to enter as they recovered from major surgery. In another hour or two, she would begin to be much more aware of her body and its response to her injuries.

For now, though, Lexy had Sam all to herself. She could hold her and touch her, take care of her immediate needs. It was her way of giving Sam a special wake-up call.

It was enough.


	22. Chapter 22

**Forward Chapter 22**

Next time, it was the pain that woke her - a throbbing headache and a burning sensation in her lower limb. It felt as if someone was rubbing a hot coal up and down her right leg. The unexpected discomfort caused her to wince and try to shift her position.

Suddenly, Lexy was in her line of vision. She could see more clearly now, the blurriness seemed to be gone. Lexy's face was strained. She was obviously worried about her. _What had happened?_ Again, her thoughts were slow to form. The gaps in her memory, frustrating.

"How are you feeling?"

Sam's voice was weaker than anticipated. "Groggy, head hurts, and … my leg?"

"You were conducting a raid. Remember anything about it?"

Sam closed her eyes, searching for the right answers. _Yes, suddenly an image of another face, eyes full of menace …_

"McFeddin," she rasped.

"You got the bastard." Lexy smiled and brought a fresh cup of water to her lover's parched lips. Sam eagerly accepted the drink, remembering to take little sips. The missing pieces in her mind were falling into place.

"There was a knife."

"He stabbed you in the leg but your fellow officers took him down."

Even though she was hurting, Sam made an effort to rise. Her shoulders barely lifted from the pillow when Lexy firmly pushed her back. "Stay still. You're just coming 'round from major surgery. The wound was serious. You lost a lot of blood, needed a transfusion. The pain meds were lowered to help you wake up. On a scale of one-to-ten, how bad is the pain right now?"

Sam wanted to see the extent of the damage but found herself too weak to raise her head again and pursue the examination. _Damn! I am so mucked up …_ She did not like this feeling of helplessness.

"About a seven," she lied. Lexy's stare showed her that her friend was coming to know her all too well.

"Hmm, that probably translates to a nine or ten on my scale. The surgeon will readjust your meds soon, after he has a chance to conduct a post-op exam of your leg."

Sam's thoughts were more collected now. "How bad?"

"The knife partially lacerated your femoral artery and nerves in your leg. There was extensive muscle damage too. Sam, the surgeons were on top of everything within an hour and are two of our best doctors." Lexy was reluctant to go on with a prognosis.

Fortunately, the door opened and Doctors Jennings and Desai appeared in time to save her. Nurse Jacobs followed them in.

Introductions were made. Sam, eyeing the surgeons suspiciously, tried to decide whether she trusted them or not. She was never fond of doctors. Well, at least until she had met Lexy. By the time they left, however, Sam was grateful for their honest but disturbing answers to her condition. She especially liked Jennings. He had a no-nonsense yet kind air about him.

At her request, they had raised the head of her bed so she could better see what they were doing. She did not avert her eyes when they removed the bandages. It was almost as if she were looking at someone else's body - going to a scene, examining a victim's wounds. Her leg was red, swollen, crisscrossed with sutures which traveled down most of her inner thigh. At various places along the length of her leg, Dr. Jennings applied pressure and asked what she was feeling whilst Dr. Desai recorded notes in a hand-held laptop. The deep burning pain in her leg hampered the sensory-motor responses they seemed to be looking for. She became even more anxious as she realized that most of her leg seemed numb, lifeless. Commands to move her toes refused to be obeyed. She could not feel the probing instruments pushing deep into her skin; she could not even feel the catheter obviously situated inside her … and, yet, she was in pain! The doctors did not discount the pain, explaining that such extensive nerve damage could produce this kind of phenomenon. _Nerve damage._ Beads of sweat peppered her forehead as her breathing and heart rate increased. _Damn! Another panic attack?_

Lexy was the first to respond. Moving to the head of her bed, she touched Sam's shoulder, squeezing gently. By now, the monitors were relaying her anxiety to the rest of the room. Jennings and Desai were engrossed in their neural data but they looked up cautiously. Seeing Sam's distress, Dr. Desai quietly ordered Nurse Jacobs to add a dosage of diazepam to Sam's IV line along with a powerful narcotic agent to combat Sam's pain. Soon, Sam's symptoms lessened and she could feel herself slipping back into sleep. She still had so many questions for the doctors.

"The damage to my leg …" Words were getting harder to form. "Is it temporary?" she slurred. _Stay awake!_

Dr. Jennings completed conferring with his colleague and, surprisingly, took Sam's hand. He looked her straight in the eye. "Detective, you have a long way to go. In three more days, we will conduct in-depth tests on the nerve activity in your leg and use an MRI to examine the condition of the neural pathways. Until then, we will keep you as calm and comfortable as possible. If your pain worsens, I will prescribe a PCA pump for you to control the dosage of your pain medicines. I'm a bit of a conservative, though, and don't like to go down that road unless really needed." He could see that Sam was fading fast but wanted to reassure his patient. "Don't be alarmed. I am hopeful that you will regain movement and sensory function in your leg, but I cannot predict how much or how long before that happens. I will do everything I can, though, to make sure you have a favorable prognosis. If you can work with me, I hope for a manageable outcome."

Sam heard most of what he was saying and nodded. By the time both doctors had left the room, she was fast asleep.

Lexy turned to Nurse Jacobs and sighed. "I expected the initial results, didn't you?" The nurse shook her head gravely. She could see that this journey of a thousand miles was going to be walked by both the patient and the drained doctor who stood before her.

"Listen, she's going to be out for a few hours. We're moving her to HDU now and she'll be allowed to have family visit. Why don't you go home, get some rest, come back this evening. By then, she may be lucid enough to hold a conversation, eh?" The nurse turned to leave the room. "I'll be at the front desk."

* * *

Lexy's shoulders sagged. _Sam knew the worse._ Now, she had to convince Sam that her body could heal. She would not let her friend give in to despair.

In such a short time, they had truly found each other and were just beginning to share more and more. Lexy closed her eyes and pictured Sam running beside her, laughing, carefree. Sam, brushing her hair aside as she bent to kiss her after making love. Sam, gazing seductively at her across a candlelit table. _They had so much to look forward to._

She tucked the sheet carefully around the sleeping patient. Then Lexy kissed her two fingers and placed them on Sam's lips.

"You owe me a dance."


	23. Chapter 23

**Interventions Chapter 23**

Tess looked up from her cuppa as Lexy came into the kitchen. She could see the fatigue in her face. "Hey, didn't expect to see you so soon. How is Sam?"

Lexy sank into a nearby chair and rolled her shoulders to relieve the stiffness. "She's mostly out of it right now due to the pain meds. But she knows what's happened to her leg. The surgeons conducted their first round of tests this afternoon. She doesn't have any sensation in the leg at the moment and I know it was stressful. The EMG and MRI in another couple days will give us a fuller picture of just how much damage was done. Dr. Jennings is still hopeful that the nerves will regenerate, if not fully at least enough to regain some function and sensation."

Tess frowned. "God, that's awful. Sam is such an active person. And, of course, her job."

Lexy rose to pour herself a cup of tea, the fragrant aroma soothing her jittery nerves. "It's all up in the air for now. The main focus is to get Sam up and moving about as soon as possible, learning how to maneuver with the present disability. I'm going back tonight, plan to sit with her and try to walk her through what's happening. I think she's scared but of course, being Sam, will put on a strong front."

"How about you? You look like you haven't slept in days."

"I've gotten some quick naps in the break room. Two of my colleagues are covering my shifts and I think I'll want to put in for temporary leave so I can be there for Sam."

"I saw her parents in hospital. Do they know how bad the leg is?"

"Yeah, I was there when Dr. Jennings laid out a tentative prognosis. The mum is shattered. Sam's dad is stiff-upper-lip all the way. I can see who Sam takes after. I didn't have a chance to speak with them much. They're probably at her bedside right now. I met the dad once before, when I was running. Seems like a decent chap, ex-cop. Sam and he seem quite close." She couldn't help but think of her practically non-existent father, wondering if he were even still alive.

Tess broke into her thoughts. "I'll be off to theatre soon. We've had solid turnouts but director wants to run through and fine-tune the acts tonight before we go back up on Wednesday. I'll be quiet. Go get some sleep." She paused but continued, "Give my best to Sam tonight, 'kay? Tell her Ed and I are thinking of her."

Lexy touched her arm. "You really are ace. It meant a lot to have you there during those first few hours when we didn't even know if Sam would survive."

Tess seemed embarrassed and moved to rinse the tea cups. She didn't want Lexy to see the deeper feelings she still harbored. Sam's gain was, indeed, her loss.

"Can I use the shower or do you need the space?"

"No, Lex, go ahead. I'm fine." _As fine as unrequited love will leave me._

* * *

Sam awakened to find her mum and dad sitting nearby. It took her a minute to remember where she was but the burning pain in her leg quickly brought her back to reality. Her low moan got her mum's attention.

"George, call the nurse! She's in pain."

"Agnes, give the lass a minute to wake up." She saw her dad's weak smile and raised a hand to acknowledge her return to consciousness. _Damn drugs._ She'd rather do without and get on with it. Seeing her ruined leg and realizing that she could not feel what the doctors were doing almost sent her off the deep end. Now, though even groggy, her mind had cleared enough to accept the current situation and to lock into a fierce determination to get back what McFeddin had taken from her. _She'd taken that scum down and she would beat this!_

She looked at both her parents, their concerned faces. "Just coming 'round, no need to worry. How long have you been here?"

Her dad spoke. "We came as soon as we got the call that you had been injured. Been here through the surgery and came back today as soon as they'd let us in. Met Ryder. Fine chap. He's quite chuffed about the takedown but gutted about you, wished he could have been there as backup. Your whole team didn't leave until we knew that you'd come through the surgery and were holding up."

Sam motioned towards the ever-present cup of water and her mum held it to her lips. "Thanks. I'm in good hands here. Some work to do. Can't feel the bloody leg at the moment." She tried to keep her voice reassuring. Her parents didn't have to share her pain and uncertainty. _Again, she would tough her way through this and be back on her feet, at the station in no time._

Her mum started to cry. _Oh God. _"Mum, the doctors are running more tests soon. I'm sure I'll be fine."

"Well, if the doctors are as concerned and caring as your chum, Lexy, then you will get the best." Her dad winked.

"You saw Lexy?"

Her dad continued. "She stayed with us most of the day you were in the operating theatre. She also helped us understand the nature of your injury. She said that nerves can come back to life after such a trauma. Something about axons and regeneration and signals … I didn't quite get all of it, but her calm and supportive manner gave us hope. I like that girl." He gazed at Sam. "I could tell that she certainly likes you."

_Lexy._ If they only knew how much she had come to depend on her lover these past two weeks. How much she needed her in her life. Lexy had turned her life around. And, now, she realized she needed her even more.

The words slipped out unintentionally. "She's someone very special."

Her mum continued to fuss around the bedside but her dad seemed to get the hidden meaning. His eyebrows lifted and he nodded. "Can't have enough best mates in your life, Sam. I'm glad you have her and Ryder to see you through this."

The pain in her leg was becoming more unbearable but she didn't want to succumb to the painkillers just yet. "Where are you staying?"

Her mum answered. "We spent the night with our friends, the Ackermans. You remember them?"

"Yes. Listen, I may be here for a fortnight or so. Why don't you go home and we'll keep in touch by phone?"

Both parents' faces dropped. "Sam, we plan to stay as long as we're needed. You will need assistance in getting around. We thought we'd return to your flat, like we did when Cat … when Cat died."

_Too much_. The nagging pain and sheer exhaustion of this extended conversation had brought her energy to an end. _Bollocks!_ She loved her parents but didn't really want them hovering about again, especially in her flat. She remembered how her mum decided to take charge before and how intrusive their well-meaning intentions had become. She wanted to send them home.

Sam fumbled for the call button and rang the nurse. Nurse Jacobs came in, checked the monitors, took Sam's pulse, met her glazed eyes. _Bloody hell. Honesty seemed the best policy._ "It's about an eight … or nine." Soon the numbing painkiller was threading its way through her IV port.

"Visiting hours are still quite limited," the diplomatic nurse said to Sam's parents. "She needs her rest and quiet. In fact, she probably won't be awake again until tomorrow." With that little white lie, George and Agnes were ushered out, somewhat confused. Sam had not offered the key to her flat. It seemed that she was not too eager to have them stay on - probably just muddled from all the drugs. They would stay with their friends another night. Nurse Jacobs told them to return tomorrow afternoon.

Jacobs surmised that the parental visit had disturbed her patient. She was clearing the field for a much more beneficial visit – from Lexy later that evening.

* * *

"Hmm, Lexy?" Sam could barely see the figure sitting in the shadows as most of the light in the room came from the overhead glow above her pillow.

Lexy leaned forward, taking her hand. She rested her other arm casually atop the bed rail. "Good evening, detective. Pleasant dreams, I hope."

"Not as pleasant as seeing the real you sitting by my bedside." The influx of painkillers had seemed to taken the edge off and she found herself fairly coherent and aware.

Lexy smiled and squeezed her hand. "Your eyes are looking brighter. And you're not slurring. Good signs."

"Can't keep track of time. No windows, bloody awful. I feel like I'm in a box."

"You'll be sleeping a lot these next few days. That's as it should be. Your body needs to heal. It's evening of the second day, Sam. Ryder had stopped about an hour ago. I told him to have your parents give permission for him to visit tomorrow. Right now, you're in a restricted ward and, hopefully, will be moved to a regular unit after the neural testing is done by end of week."

"So, you've met Ryder? Is he okay?"

"Other than regrets from not being able to be at the raid with you, he seems in good shape. Told me that he would be returning to desk duty by next Monday. He seemed to recognize my name when we met earlier."

"I … told him about this stubborn woman doctor who would not give up on me. I'm glad you two got to meet."

"I think, by Friday, you will be in that room with a window that will keep you from claustrophobia. And, then, all your mates from the station can visit." Lexy scanned the monitors, pleased with what she saw. "How's the pain?" Are you managing? Jennings can order a PCA if you need more on demand."

"No!" The reply came quickly.

_Maybe too quickly._ Lexy looked at her lover's face but she seemed to be settled at the moment. "Don't be a martyr, Sam. If you need it, take it."

"Lex, the drugs knock me out … can't think."

Lexy lifted her hand, cupped Sam's face, her thumb lightly stroking her cheek. "Maybe thinking's overrated."

Sam leaned into the touch and then lay farther back on the pillow. "You don't have to humor me. I know what a mucked-up situation I'm in. I need to stay alert, be ready to fight this thing."

"You've just come through major trauma. Your body needs these first few days to rest, rejuvenate. There will be time enough for the bigger battles. Humor me, instead. Ask for the meds. Listen to the nurses. Sleep."

Uncertainty flitted across Sam's face.

"What? What's your worse fear right now, Sam?"

_God, this woman didn't miss much. She could see under her skin._

"It's not just my leg, Lex. I can't feel anything." She pointed to her lower body. Her anxious eyes held Lexy's. "Anything."

Lexy felt as if someone had punched her. She could only imagine the panic lurking behind those words. Trying to keep herself as steady as possible, she met Sam's eyes with a resolved look. "The numbness in your pelvic region is often a side-effect of a nerve injury to the legs - also, a possible consequence of the surgery in that area. The doctors will be watching all of this in the days ahead. Sam, trust me. Be patient. Don't dwell on what you've lost. Let your body heal at its own pace."

"It's not just what I've lost," Sam whispered. She looked so stricken and small. "It's what we've both lost. Lexy, I can't imagine not having you … like that. What we've had together these past amazing days," she hesitated but knew that Lexy deserved the truth, "I want you. Inside me." Tears filled her eyes.

"Oh, Sam. Too soon. Too soon to have such thoughts. I'm here, not going away. We will ride this out together, no matter what the outcome. I … _God, this isn't the time!_ I care about you so much. Don't let the negative thoughts crowd out the important business of getting well."

They spent the rest of the visit in silence. Nothing more needed to be said. Lexy held Sam's hand and waited until she started to nod off. "Time for your night meds. I may have to take my day shift tomorrow so will see you in the evening."

"Lexy, you don't have to put yourself out. You have your own patients. Come when you can."

"I have some comp time available. Plan to take advantage, get a bit of a rest myself. Besides, who will be here to hold the whip and keep you moving?"

Sam was dozing off but still managed to reply, "What a great image – you, holding a whip."

Lexy leaned over the bed and kissed her fading lover. "And you in handcuffs. Another reason to regain your strength."

Sam kept her eyes closed but smiled blissfully. "Doctor, you may be the best medicine of all."


	24. Chapter 24

**Dear readers, I am flying to Paris this weekend! Once again, thanks for the lovely reviews and continued interest in this story. I won't be back until end of the month so will leave you with a bit of a twist. As you can tell, this is a constant work in progress. I do not write in advance. Alors, I am leaving Sam and Lexy stateside while I walk the banks of the Seine. Au revoir, mes amies!**

**Off Balance Chapter 24**

Lexy held the glass jar up to the tearful child's face. She had just finished a row of stitches, neatly placed in the little girl's forearm. The colorful array of candy pops managed to subdue the crying and, between hiccups, the youngster reached in and picked a shiny red. "Good choice! Red's my favorite, too." Lex tousled the curly hair and lifted her from the gurney. She handed a wound-care sheet to the overwrought mother and walked with them to the front lobby. _If only all their emergencies were so easily resolved._

A&E was having a slow morning. This would be Lexy's last day on duty for the next few weeks. She had stopped to see the unit supervisor and completed a formal request for the additional comp time. Funny, she never took advantage of all those extra shift hours and now they provided a perfect cushion for her need to be with Sam. The supervisor was able to grant the request quickly because a new resident had just come onboard and would be there to fill in the gap. Declan wasn't on shift this morning so Lex left a note taped to his locker explaining her coming absence. She hoped he would stop by on Sam's floor in the days ahead to check on her progress. She was grateful for his unexpected kindness on Sunday night. _One damaged friendship repaired._

She had not seen Bea since their angry confrontation in the corridor. Declan had mentioned that she had gone on holiday and that made it so much easier to move about freely with her own patients. Frankly, she was not eager to run into the woman, still smarting from her gullibility and Bea's lies. _What a foolish arse she had been!_

Glancing at her watch, she decided to check on Sam. The other two doctors on duty had no problem with her taking a quick break. She found Nurse Jacobs at the nursing station. "How's our patient?"

The nurse smiled encouragingly. "According to the chart, she had a good night; slept through. And, this morning, we brought in a recliner and were able to get her out of bed. She's still sitting up. Go see."

Lexy opened the door to find Sam, surrounded by her lines and bags, sitting somewhat stiffly on the lounge chair, her bandaged leg carefully hoisted on the raised platform.

"Well, look at you. Miss Posh. Soon you'll be demanding a gourmet luncheon."

Sam brightened. It was harder than she expected to make the transition but well worth it to be out of that blasted bed. And Lexy was a welcomed diversion.

"I thought you were back on shift."

"Even hard-working doctors are entitled to a break now and then. It's been a slow Tuesday. Thought I'd drop by and see if you are being a good girl." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a purple lolly.

Sam had already been started on a soft diet but didn't have much of an appetite. However, the candy pop appealed to her. She reached for it but had trouble unwrapping. Her hands were still weak, fingers shaky. Lexy took the candy, pulled off the wrapper, and gently placed it in her friend's mouth. Sam reached up, closed her fingers over Lexy's hand, and sucked the pop. Slowly, Lexy disengaged, her face flushed. Sam continued sucking her lollipop. Her tired eyes held a hint of mischief.

"You are obviously feeling better. I may have to bring candy on each visit."

"Seems they have a full morning planned for me. Dr. Desai was in earlier and decided the wound is healing well enough to begin muscle stimulation and massage. A physical therapist should be here soon."

Lexy had thought that the surgeons would wait until the remaining diagnostic tests were run on Thursday but this was definitely good news. Proper exercise would help prevent blood clots and muscle atrophy. Since it was still too soon, in Sam's weakened condition, to have her walking about, this was the more prudent solution.

The door opened and a familiar figure stepped in, her blonde head bent over a clipboard.

"Bea!"

The startled woman looked up and a tense silence filled the room.

Sam quickly discerned that the attractive blonde was Lexy's former lover. _Awkward, much?_

Bea rechecked the patient info: Murray, S. _Christ, was this the detective?_

Lexy's frosty voice broke the silence. "I thought you were on holiday."

Bea's eyes wandered the room as she answered, "Just returned today." She then looked directly at Sam. "I assume you are DS Sam Murray?"

Sam, trying to move both women beyond their initial shock, answered, "Yes, yes I am."

"I've been assigned as your therapist." She finally made eye contact with Lexy. "But, given the circumstances, if you'd rather I withdraw and have another PT assigned …"

Lexy didn't let her finish. "No. No, you're very good at what you do." It hurt like hell to make this concession, to know that Bea's hands would be touching and manipulating Sam's body. But Lexy knew the truth. Bea was the most sought-after therapist in the department; she delivered impressive results. Quite simply, Sam deserved the best of care.

Bea stared at Lexy, speechless. She had reviewed Sam's chart thoroughly and was looking forward to the challenge of helping this patient – before she recognized who "this patient" really was. _Now, could she maintain a professional distance and proceed?_

She was still embarrassed at all that had happened between her and Lexy, how it had ended so badly because of her own deceit. Nevertheless, things had settled on the home front. The holiday with her husband seemed to point to a new beginning. He sincerely loved her, wanted them to make a go of it. She realized that she didn't want her marriage to end either. The couple had decided to seek marital counseling.

Sam took her cue from Lexy. She seemed to be giving a green light to her and Bea working together. They would have to talk later. All she knew was that she was tired, worried sick about her recovery, needing all the help she could get. Lexy wanted Bea to help her.

Sam stared at Bea and took a deep breath. "When do we get started?"

Lexy leaned over and kissed her lover. "I've got to report back. Will see you tonight." She looked once more at the physical therapist and then back at Sam. "You're in capable hands."

* * *

The distraught doctor was alone in the elevator on the way down to A&E. She banged the wall with her fist.

"Bloody hell! You better take good care of her!"


	25. Chapter 25

**Starting Over Chapter 25**

She could see the pain that lined Sam's face as soon as she walked into the room. The detective was back in her bed, sipping from a large plastic cup. The tray in front of her held a bowl of chicken broth and a cup of red jelly. Various lines and tubes were still attached but a quick glance at the monitors showed that all was well. Lex knew how uncomfortable and invasive the equipment could seem and hoped that Sam would be relieved of some of the monitors before long.

The doctor looked at the cup and raised her eyebrows. "Protein supplement?"

Sam made a face. "I'd rather have a bitter shandy or, better yet, a Guinness."

Lexy laughed while moving closer to drop a quick kiss on her friend's forehead. "That will come in time but, first, you have to consume the high-protein 'shakes'. Your body will heal faster as we pump you up with lots of nutritional supplements."

Sam sighed and leaned back against her pillow.

Lexy could not wait any longer. "How did the PT session go with Bea?"

"It was okay, a bit rough …" Before she could say more, Lexy interrupted her.

"Did she hurt you?"

Sam looked at the concern on Lexy's face. Something else flashed across her lover's eyes but was quickly hidden. _Oh, this is going to be an interesting dance. I hope the sessions with Bea are not a mistake._ In fact, the physiotherapist had been quite professional and thorough as she assessed Sam's range of motion and then worked on massaging and moving both her lower limbs. Sam could only feel the workout on her left leg but she was sweating and exhausted by the time Bea had finished her first treatment. She was glad to take to her bed for the rest of the day. Bea would be coming by every other day until she was moved to a regular room and had clearance for more exercise with the sutured leg. She was hoping that would happen by end of the week. She wanted to stand on her own two feet even if it meant crutches. She would do whatever needed to become mobile again. Lying on her back only led to idle thoughts about her situation and the damage done. And then there was the issue of her parents …

"Sam? You're frowning. Bea is quite good but she can be demanding and a bit rough at times." The words were out of her mouth before she realized their double meaning. _God help me! Did I really say that?_

Silence, as Lexy felt her cheeks color. Sam rubbed her eyes and nodded. "No, it's not Bea. I had other things on my mind." She stared at her somewhat disturbed companion. "Lex? Is this going to be a problem? I thought you were okay with Bea being my therapist."

"I was … I am. I know for a fact that you will get the best of care. Bea is ace at what she does."

Sam prodded, "But?"

Lexy turned to adjust one of the IV lines and whispered, "It'll be hard to watch her with you."

Sam reached out and grabbed her wrist. "Look at me."

Lexy's eyes met Sam's. She could not hide the truth.

"You're jealous."

"Sod it! I swear it's all over between us but knowing that she will be touching you, working so closely with you … it's hard to accept."

Sam was strangely moved rather than annoyed. "Then I'll ask for someone else."

"No! I really want what's best for you … not me. This is not about me."

Sam tried to lift herself from the bed but still did not have enough strength to move freely. She took Lexy's wrist and pulled her forward. "Come here."

Lexy leaned over her and their lips met. Sam put her last bit of energy into the kiss. The intensity and desire were evident. It seemed like hours before their lips unlocked.

Sam was still holding on to Lexy's wrist. Her fingers slid down to entwine with Lexy's. Her voice was shaky as she said, "Stop putting me first. This is about the both of us. No one, nothing, is going to get in-between what we … we've just begun."

Lexy found herself pushing back Sam's tangled hair with her other hand. She had always been the tough one. Life's disappointments hardened her. And, now, one look into this woman's eyes and she was reduced to mush. _So out of character!_ _Did Sam really mean what she was saying?_ Tears threatened to spill. She cleared her throat and pulled back from the bed, holding the rail for support.

Sam closed her eyes, knowing that a line had just been crossed, a new sense of direction implied. _She longed for Lexy._ That could not be denied. She was falling hard for the persistent doctor who refused to let her give up. This wasn't supposed to happen. She needed time to get over Cat. _Didn't she?_ Yet, Lexy had arrived like a comet, streaking into her life at her lowest point and showering her with wonder and hope. She still savored their first night. Lexy knew what she needed and took command. The fierce determination in her eyes as she stroked her, brought her to ecstasy, still burned brightly in her mind. _And, now!_ Now her life had been completely upended again. She had no idea what the days ahead would bring. She only knew that she wanted Lexy with her through it all. This feeling was growing stronger each day, even through the pain, uncertainty, and disruptions.

Sam opened her eyes and gazed at the woman she _loved_. "Lexy, I don't know what's going to happen next. I'm … scared. I want you by my side. Nothing else matters."

"I'm here." Lexy's voice broke as she leaned over the rail and kissed Sam to seal the promise.

"Always."

* * *

**Dear Readers, I am at a crossroads. This seems like a good place to end the story in many ways. Do I continue to write about Sam's recuperation in the hospital? Or do I start a new story that begins Sam and Lexy's journey as a couple? Do you like this chapter as "the ending"? Write and give me feedback, please. My Muse and I will be standing at the crossroads, waiting to hear. Once again, thanks for all your support and interest! Peace, CG**


	26. Chapter 26

**Nirvana Chapter 26**

The mild ache in her leg awakened her before dawn. Lexy's arm was draped around her waist, securing Sam to the special woman who lay behind her, sleeping. She could feel Lexy's hair tickling her neck, wisps of warm breath caressing her shoulders. _My anchor._

The past weeks had been demanding. At times, her recuperation seemed to move ahead and, then, a setback would occur: infections, blood clots, more surgery, continued paralysis. Through all the traumatic changes, Lexy was her one constant. At first, she felt guilty that her friend actually took comp-and-vacation time to remain at her bedside. But, in her heart, she knew that she looked for Lexy's humor and support to get her moving each morning and Lexy's comfort and good-night kiss to end many a long, grueling day.

It was over a month before she was released from hospital. By then, she had convinced her parents to go back to their own lives and take the cruise they had almost cancelled. Both Agnes and George had become better acquainted with Lexy during their daily visits. Her mum, however, did not seem to warm up to the lively doctor. Sam sometimes caught the raised eyebrows of suspicion but did not feel strong enough to pursue what she saw. Lexy was always kind and gracious to her folks, often leaving the room so they could have private moments with Sam. She was also able to clarify and further reassure them as various tests and clinical procedures were done. After three weeks tending her apartment, Sam cautiously mentioned to her parents that they would not have to worry about the flat because Lexy had a spare key and could take care of matters once they returned home. It was her way of letting them go. Her father who, by then, had been bantering with Lexy on a regular basis could easily catch the underlying motive and winked at Sam. _Fellow conspirator._ _He likes her more than I could have hoped._ It pleased the detective to see such a unique bond forming between her dad and her lover. Sam's parents had never gotten to meet Cat. Now, because of her hospitalization, they had time to adjust to the new woman in her life, a woman who would become an even greater part of her life if Sam had her way. She knew that her mother would insist that it was much too soon to think of a new relationship and, probably, that maternal intuition was what was causing the somewhat cool behavior whenever Lexy was around. Once she was truly on the mend, up and about again, Sam would tell both parents just how important Lexy had become. But, first, the work of recovery …

Sam tried to reach for the glass of water and pill that Lexy had left on the bedstand the night before. She strained too hard and let out a soft moan as pain shot down her right leg. She had actually regained some feeling and motion in the limb and could now flex her toes and lift the leg high enough to help with maneuvering the crutches and walker which sat near the bed. The surgeons continued to monitor her progress and seemed pleased at the slow but steady pace. Doctor Jennings said the next three months would be the time needed for the repaired muscles and nerves to actually perform the crucial regeneration. Unfortunately, her early setbacks with the infections and a threatening blood clot pushed the healing time further back than she desired. _It was maddening to be treated like an elderly patient in a nursing home! Crutches, daily vitamins, massage therapy, pain meds._ _Christ! _She moaned again as she looked at the walker in the bedroom.

"Hey …" A sleepy voice interrupted her self-pity session. "Are you hurting?" Lexy was now hovering over her, assuming a clinical stare.

Sam turned into a more comfortable position on her back and grinned at the lovely sight of this beautiful woman in her bed.

"Dr. Price, I do have a pain … here." She took Lexy's hand and placed it over her heart, hoping that Lex could feel the rapid beat which so often occurred when she gazed at her lover.

Lexy was up to the challenge. "Hmm, this could be serious. May I have a further look?" Sam snickered and nodded her consent as Lexy removed the detective's sleep shirt and began palpating her left breast. The doctor's fingers pressed firmly, then more gently.

Sam's original pain forgotten, she groaned in delight. "Yes, yes, right there. Oh, God." Stifling another groan and a giggle, Sam implored, "Could this be a serious condition?" By now, Lexy was massaging Sam's right breast with her other hand, bringing Sam to a state of sensual stimulation she had not felt in many weeks.

The teasing doctor could see the physical effects of her manipulation and slowly touched Sam's peaks of arousal with her fingertips. Fire shot through Sam's body as her hips arched. "Lexy!"

Lexy saw the pain and desire on Sam's face. She was so moved that she could not continue the banter. Instead, she kissed and ravished Sam's breasts as her partner writhed beneath her. Now, both women were breathing rapidly, lost in what had been denied them for so long.

Ever mindful of Sam's injury, Lexy gently placed herself atop her lover and continued to bathe Sam's upper body in kisses - playful nips on the neck, longer tugs on her ear lobes, lingering strokes on chin and cheeks. Lexy worked her way up to Sam's eyes, kissing them closed. She kept her own passion in control as she sought to provide as much pleasure as she could to her wounded sweetheart. Sam had been through hell and back. They were a long way from sharing their physical love completely. But, _this_, this she could do.

Suddenly, Sam's body stiffened and then relaxed. Her eyes opened in wonder. She stared at Lexy, incredulous. "I think … I think I just had an orgasm."

Lexy, barely controlling her own need, simply nodded. "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am. I told you I had a wicked bedside manner."

The words were out before Sam could think. "I love you."

Now it was Lexy's turn to shut her eyes. "Sam, don't. You're so vulnerable right now. I don't want you to say things you may not mean." The words were way too important for Lexy to misinterpret their meaning. She really wanted Sam to say those words to her. But now, after this unexpected moment of passion, she felt the timing was all wrong.

For Sam, though, the timing was perfect. "Lex. Look at me. This wasn't a pity fuck. I know what you just did. You gave yourself completely to me. You made me come alive at your expense. You've been putting me first for weeks now. This is not about my being ready. This is not about getting over Cat. This is about us. I never had the connection I have with you … with Cat. I wish I had met you before I ever met her. I wish our paths had crossed in A&E. I have been growing in love with you ever since that silly wine tasting. I want you here, in my bed … by my side. Do you, can you feel the same about me?"

Stunned, Lexy eased herself off Sam whilst tenderly pulling her lover to her side. Their eyes met as the dark swirls of desire continued to dance in both of them.

The tears came. She didn't want them to. She wanted to be in control as she declared her commitment. Her patient longing had come to an end. _Sam loved her!_

Sam stroked the tears away from her lover's cheeks as Lexy whispered, "I've wanted you from almost the first we met. I just hoped that you would finally come 'round and see me. See me, not Cat." Her voice broke and Sam never felt so deep an attraction, a yearning to keep this woman safe and happy, to thank her for her care and support … her love. Yes, her _love_. She already knew what Lexy had not yet spoken in words.

But, now, the words came. Lexy held her and made her heart leap. "I've fallen in love with you, DS Murray. You captured my heart."

* * *

**Dear Readers, I never expected two characters to capture my imagination as much as Sam and Lexy. Credit must go to the two actors, Heather Peace and Anna Skellern, who brought so much chemistry to their roles. Unfortunately, a Season Three does not seem to be on the agenda. Instead, I've provided a fanfic fix for all of us. I had not anticipated taking the story this far but creative writing and a demanding Muse often lead to unexpected results. Thank you all for such an avid interest, continued support, and great feedback. I'm happy with this ending and hope you are too. I've left Sam and Lexy in a very good place. Once again, I will be traveling and not back home until the new year. Happy Holidays! I'd be thrilled to find some final reviews hanging in my Christmas stocking. Peace, CG**


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